Bin Dippers Dispatched, Players Rated, Washing Taken In, You Name It We’ll Do It

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You know when you’ve arrived.

Not when you emerge from your chaffeured motor and a kindly man in livery takes your decanter from you and says softly, ‘The girls are in the American bar for you, sir…’ No. It’s when you have the radio on after the results on a Saturday teatime and the voice says,’Next week they have Everton, but after that, they face a tough run against Spurs, Arsenal and Manchester United.’

We are – or at least very certainly on the brink of being – one of those sides you don’t fancy playing.

This is historic. Not just just because some johnny on the radiogram said it, because it’s actually ringing true and as a supporter I’ve only felt like this once before and that was in the early 80’s.

The game was good. By this I mean that at half time, I genuinely felt we’d given a good account of ourselves. Perhaps having recently sat through so many Horror Movies watching us as the slashed up and slain victim come back to life and vanquish the Killer Zombie, I was almost quietly confident we weren’t done quite yet.

The injuries are becoming a chore. But then who wouldn’t want Christmas off? It’s daft to go away even with the deals. You can’t beat being indoors, fire on whilst slowly overdosing on posh mince pies being ploughed into brandy cream. Running around in the cold with nothing to protect you from Jack Frost but a £1.99 pair of mittens from the Megastore? No ta, mush.

Liverpool are getting better. They haven’t recovered, definitely still trying to shake it off, whatever it was that they caught. 3-0 against East London’s finest was a false remission alright. Torres in particular ha that look about him that Berbatov had when he first went to Yanited. The eyes appear closer set, the chest thinner and lots of brief glimpses over the shoulder seems to be the body language of the down at heel sniper.

And so to the ratings. I know you want ’em.

Gomes – 6 Alright, unconvinced about some of his passing, mind.

Hutton – 6 Another alright. Loved his penalty dive. Proper Torville & Dean stuff.

Gallas – 8 By jove I think he’s got it!

Kaboul – 7 Can someone spin round the pubs and get King ready? Cheers.

A&E – 6 A real A&E performance. Wish he’d just be consistently good.

Azza Blud – 7 Is this a wing heeled wonder I see before me? Improving.

Palacios – 4 (Which includes 3 points for putting his shirt on the right way round)

Modders – 8 MOTM but lots of errant passes, particularly early on.

Bale – 7.68 On the end of some abysmal ‘tackles’, we seem to getting kicked by everyone.

3MP – 6.82 Won lots of headers. Yet to win my heart.

VdV – Huge loss.

Defoe – 0 (Which includes a 5 point deduction for seriously winding me up on the day of rest)

Bassong – 7.58 Steeped in and caught the eye. Good stuff.

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