Aston Villa

Ashley Young Is Quality Street

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When I was a kid, our family procuring the big tin of Quality Street for Christmas was a status symbol. I have a clear recollection of one year being told upfront that there would be no big tin as we did didn’t have any spare money that year. 

I had no concept of the expense required to deliver a big tin but it was obviously much much nearer to that of an Action Man than a Family Circle box of biscuits was.

The  Quality Street big tin was also what we call in the trade a maximum security consumable. You could say you were going to get a drink from the kitchen, be in and out of the Family Circle box like Hudson Hawk and be back in front of  Mike Yarwood without skipping a beat.

But the Quality Street lid had this series of small grooves where it met the body of the tin and when you prized that f*cker off there was a 95% chance of you making a noise to rival the Rank Film gong.

Ashley Young is Quality Street. Once, but what now seems a long time ago, an object of some desire. But now, the supermarkets have them in barley disguised pallet stacks for a four quid a pop. A big Toblerone is less than three quid and they’ve had to suffer the indignity of being grey imported onto street markets.

If you had to comprise a Fantasy Football team of Nearlymen the you’d want Young in there to over/underhit/ fail to hit at all the ball to Carlton Cole. That would probably be one of your dream pieces of link play. Their stock has not so much fallen as collapsed.

Villa’s form the season has been painful. Three wins against not very good sides, peppered with draws against better sides who were themselves off the boil at the time. See Cheatski and Manchester United.

Our lot might ordinarily undertake a Boxing Day jaunt like this talking up the cold snap and mumbling about Agbonlahor, Young & Co. But this is no ordinary season and if they aren’t crawling up the motorway with a plan to take all 3 points then they want to have a word with themselves.

Predictions? We’re favourites and a slightly hungover and cautious 0-1 …is 7/1. Back in for a top up at lunchtime 1-3 and feeling indomitable again is …16/1. Pav as an Anytime Scorer is 9/4.

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  • Villarob says:

    You ‘need’ to be beating sides like Wigan, West Ham, Bolton. Oh wait !! you didn’t.

  • Mr_Spiggott says:

    I feel sick despite the Andrews powders nightcap. Being a savoury soul I opted for the “double-dinner” option rather than pudding.

    But following a lie in of van winkle proportions I’m ready to park in front of the old telly and doing as much damage to the drinks cabinet as I can whilst we see off the villa. COYS

  • bdog4037 says:

    for fucks sake hh i thought you where ancient , and now you mention action man lmao and quality street in the same breath .i dont know if i can ever talk to you again .i respected you . i thought you where the wise one the great sage equal of heaven, the karma sutra the end of every question that needed or didnt need an answer. fekin action man im going to go do some self harm .can i ever forgive you for mentioning action man and quality street in the same light . well i guess i can the new years nearly here . and our boys are doin good .JUST DONT SLAG QUALITY ST AGAIN . or ill be on the next flight . you got that . lmao

  • daytripper11£; says:

    Villa’s form has been terrible, but Ashley Young has been their one bright star. He has completely dominated every defender he has lined up against and will give us all kinds of trouble today.

    His final ball is definitely a weakness, but this season he looks much improved there. He just never has anybody to pass to. His teammates play too deep, so he is often left playing against 6-8 opponents with only one striker to aim at.

    He lines up on their left but will popup everywhere. His work rate is incredible. he will open up huge holes in our defence with his movement off the wing. It is critical that we have Gallas back in the lineup today, in his natural right side position, because Dawson does not have the speed to deal with him.

    If the Bale to Real Madrid rumours for £60m comes to fruition than Young would be the ideal candidate to fill that hole.

  • toddspur says:

    by fuck we need to win today otherwise a gap will appear

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