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Frustrated HMRC Officials Pounce On Arry

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Rumors emerging this morning indicate that desperate Inland Revenue officers determined to restore the public purse mounted an unauthorised and audacious swoop on the Tottingham manager in Madrid just 48 hours ago.

Two unmarked men approached Redknapp outside the Vicente Calderon stadium, fell to their knees and started tugging at his trouser leg to distract him while four others rifled cash and luxurious trinklets from his pockets.

‘I’m walking round the outside of the stadium, it’s a fantastic atmosphere, there’s all little stalls there selling sweets, got some sweets, me and Kevin, and it was so packed. The next thing there’s two guys on their knees in front of me and I felt someone pull my overcoat.’

‘I thought ‘What’s that?’, and didn’t take any notice. The next thing there’s two guys on their knees in front of me and they’ve got my trousers and they keep doing this (tugging) with them, pulling them.

‘I didn’t know whether to knee him in the gob or write him a cheque.’

‘I was shocked. You can imagine. I hadn’t experienced anything like this since me and Sandra had that long weekend in Longleat.’

‘I’m going: ‘Let go of my trousers’, pushing them away. While I’m doing that they’re rifling my pockets, there were about six of them. And then they went.’

‘I went to put my hand in my pockets and realised what they’d done.They took everything. All my money, credit cards, everything really. They didn’t get my passport or me trumpet, so the show will go on!’

When asked what he was doing in Madrid Arry replied,’ We was just on a shop up for sweets. There’s been no contact I …err ..we, well no one has spoken to anyone. But obviously he’s a big talent and he’s told me he wants to come.’

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182 comments

  • Fatfish says:

    Mornin’ all.

    Currently sat in hotel in Gateshead. Anyone know any away friendly boozers around st James park?

  • goose_is_a_yid says:

    it was Forlan he was watching…not sure on that, we have enough makeweights. And apparently he wants 100k a week..!! Havin a bubble, surely..

    But then, anyone but Crouch is quickly becoming my motto.

  • Sid Trotter says:

    It was a West Ham geezer that done the mugging innit, payback time for the stadium victory

    • Spurstacus says:

      Apparently one of the muggers was nearly 7′ and really skinny, another was a very short IC3 male with a White Russian.
      Along with HR’s cash money and credit cards was his list of negotiation points written in Spanish.

      At least he is well versed in his primary point.
      Es un jugador top y un gran muchacho.

  • onedavemackay says:

    “Strikers are the players on a team in association football in the row nearest to the opposing team’s goal, who are therefore principally responsible for scoring goals.”

    Could someone ask Arry how this applies to Crouch

    • Sid Trotter says:

      For all of Crocuh;s faults, he deserves a place in the starting 11 for looking so strange. And we have nothing against strange looking fellahs have we ODM? huh. Well Mrs ODM doesn’t anyway

      • Snap says:

        Agreed he’s a bit of a crocus – tentative, wobbly, pretty, blows in the wind, wilts

      • onedavemackay says:

        The current Mrs ODM would probably agree with you as would her six predecessors.

        However, Tottenham (or Stratford if you’re reading this in the future) have always had a reputation for having good looking players. There has been the odd aberration like Vinnie Sideways but in the main we’ve been a handsome bunch.

        Whereas, the Goons have had players like Tony Adams, Martin Keown, Paul Merson, Perry Groves …………………

  • . says:

    Maybe Real Madrid were just on a revenge mission after ‘Arry mugged ’em with the Van der Vaart deal.

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