Good Morning.
Stone me. I went to see Alabama 3 last night. Been some fair time since I first saw them and if I left with only one thought it was that their audience these days is a demographic I want no part of. Ever been trapped in a dimly lit public toilet with flatulent geriatric swingers? I say swingers but that implies a frisson of sexual adventure. The last person to lay a hand on the bulk of this lot’s naked flesh was almost certainly a midwife.
So to the game.
After having a cursory flick through the rest of this week’s games the Interlull has down a number of sides the power of goo and I would hope that this refreshed factor would apply to us too. We could go 4th. A win would put us 3rd. But as everyone else has played we’ll stay 5th even if we botch it. But I must stress I do not anticipate that happening. Our form is only bettered by City. We are officially doing quite nicely thank you very much.
The Villa’s record is littered with their usual array of drawn games. Particularly away from home where they have drawn 4 lost 1 out of the last 5.
The friendlies don’t appear to have taken too greater a toll on us, van der Vaart has apparently responded well to the cod liver oil and shaken off his hamstring. Pathe News Boy has been lying in a floatation tank filled with deep heat listening to Winston Churchill recordings after his victory against the Amarda.
Prediction? Ade’s due a goal. He’s been off the score sheet yet contributed selflessly when he has played I’d like to see him beaming and throwing some shapes on the touchline again. Villa will pack the midfield and hope to get Barren Dent away on the break, so it’s vital we have a strategy in place that allows us to play football.
My heart says 3-0, my head says 2-0. If they score it’ll be down to us and one or more of our lot will be in line for a right telling off and no mistake. Monday night football.
BIOYVC!
I have a nasty feeling about tonight. Maybe its because the sausage rolls were off and the Shiraz was corked – but I think 1-0 or 1-1. Will be tighter than a tight thing
I agree.
‘Tighter than a nun’s habit’ is the standard comparative metaphor.
Tighter than a chinese condom on an elephant is another.
Speaking of which, back to work
Any one of you fine young cannibals going to the match tonight? I’m in town from the overseas (the real one, not Poland) and am
begginglooking for pre-match boozing companionship.I’m holed up in a northern bordello myself, but there must be at least one HH reader who can try beer for the first time with this geezer.
I only believe you if by “holed up in a northern bordello” you actually mean “alone and punch-drunk in the room wot has the computer.”
That’s what you get for trying to help! :-p
Reverend Kevin,
today’s sermon chose bacon chasing as its theme. Interestingly in this parable, the protagonist is a pig called snowball. The chasing pack are an ugly rabble of stud-collared dogs. The studs invoke naked aggression and perhaps, given the pre-occupations of our host, a hint of sexual depravity. And weren’t the Romans that persecuted our Lord of similar make-up?
Snowball is an odd name for a pig – it invokes the image of a lamb. Is there a clue in this? The son of God came down to earth in the guise of man. Is snowball similarly the lamb of God wrapped in uncooked crackling? Slowly, the genius of your parable begins to reveal itself. Allow me to interpret for the great unwashed.
First some context. We are entering the End Days. The runes are gathering: Arsenal – not long ago unbeaten for an entire season, are reduced to a one-and two-halves team praying to the Dark Forces that their goal machine doesn’t get injured. The face-lifts and the botox that have kept the Russian’s trophy team in the jazz-mags for longer than nature intended are starting to look jaded. The stitches are unravelling and the unnaturally taught jaw line is starting to sag again. The United Mancs are picking up points on the strength of Ferguson’s will-power alone. The City (Babylon) sweep all before them. But they record hollow victories – points rendered meaningless as the natural laws of the universe and FIFA are flaunted. In the words of Dorothy Parker – if you want to know what God thinks of money just look at the people he gives it to…
Which brings us onto the lamb in pigs clothing and the chasing pack. In the midst of the self-destructive debauchery an unlikely saviour emerges – a team that plays fair financially – with a manager who sees the good and the bad on the pitch and calls things as he sees it – with players who are less motivated by money and more the sheer joy of football as it should be played. Yet to the pundits and the lamb appears as a pig. Last night’s victory saw the world and his wife talk of the fight for top four. King Kenny this, AVB that, Wenger schmenger, Newcastle the dark horse of the Apocalypse – but the lamb was barely mentioned. And here lies the genius: Reverend Kevin’s parable is a prophecy.
As doomsday approaches – the lamb has sneaked into a very handy position. At the moment it hides in the barn alongside the other farm animals – but the games are in hand. But it won’t be long before the dogs will smell the danger. And when they do they will be at us – snarling and chomping at our heels – doing everything they can to maintain the doomed status quo. But despite a few scares – the lamb shall prevail – sneak through the hedge and into the promised land beyond leaving the Devil’s own to eat themselves.
One is humbled by Kev’s brilliance and forced to ask the question: What would Harry do?
Long time since I read it, but I think Snowball was a horse.
Exactly make. Harry is to be persecuted then flogged in court before his eventual death, from a cross by Sandra…
Apologies. Snowball was indeed destined for the bacon slicer.
it is written!
Nice piece…. :-D
Jar Family sound good HH; A3 must be an acquired taste that I aint acquired!!
As for the game; I have you right; Adrian will score and paddy power will pay me if he does
3-1 to the mighty Spurs with Barren Dent getting them back to 2-1.
team picks itself I’d suggest
I don’t want to piss on the party, but all the stats look good at the moment except for one: Friedel has had to make more saves than any other PL keeper.
Last season, of the top eight teams, Gomes had to make more saves than any other. That tells me that the problems from last season are still with us. The last three games were all wins, but a draw in all of them would not have been unfair. We need to get that defence sorted, and for those who are advocating two DM’s, it’s difficult to argue against them.
Some stats you might be interested in: Cheatski have played three games against top 8 sides and lost the lot. Newcs have played 4, drawing 3 and losing one. The indications are that they might both be flat track bullies. Last season it took us 14 games to get 22 points. Statto.com is predicting 3rd place for us, seven points clear of Arse and Cheatski. The last time we finished that far in front of either of them, was 94/5
:gaehn: