Tokyo Sexwale

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Good morning.

Coming over here taking all our £100 a week jobs, paying tax, spending money in local economies like water… The list goes on. So I hear you’re a racist now Father? When life imitates a Father Ted sketch you know you’ve switched on a flashing neon sign marked TILT somewhere, don’t you? Well you would if you weren’t born Joseph S Blatter.

Sepp Blagger has a terrifying disease. So unchecked is his greed he can’t help but elbow himself to the front of any queue he sees. In his damaged mind if there are people standing in line he presumes he’s missing out. The Interlull has seen the race hate row simmer beautfully. The dog John Terry attempted to wheel out his ‘prahd to be a chavtain‘ speech was greeted with a room of hacks wanting to know if he ever played crazy golf with Nick Griffin.

Acadamy Nominee and sometime footballer Luis Suarez has been charged by the FA following an on the pitch incident that occurred during the Liverpool versus Manchester United fixture at Anfield on 15 October 2011.

It is alleged that Suarez used abusive and/or insulting words and/or behaviour towards Manchester United’s Patrice Evra contrary to FA rules.  It is further alleged that this included a reference to the ethnic origin and/or colour and/or race of Patrice Evra.

Evra I wouldn’t trust as far as I could throw him either by the way – so this indicates to me that the FA have nailed little Luis with information additional to that of the Frenchman.

The cherry on the top of this steaming pile is – step forward – our old mate Septic Bladder of course. The Sepp Blagger Guide to Getting Things Right is on a par with Sister Mary O’Malley’s Book Of Red Hot Sex Tips and the Michael Barrymore Bedside Book Of Pool Maintanance.

Undaunted by the backlash to his let’s not fret over racism in the heat of battle, let’s just shake hands and move on comments, our mate Father Joseph effortlessly compounds his gaffe by using the old, some of my best friends are schwartzers routine and his explanation of how his remarks were ‘misunderstood’ was accompanied with a picture of him with black man who’s name …no seriously is Tokyo Sexwale.

I don’t know about you and I’ve said this before …but life if frequently about perception. If you were in a tight spot, on a global stage and you were offered a PR lifeline …if a man called Tokyo Sexwale was integral to the plan, would you grasp that lifeline come what may, or stop just for a nanosecond and wonder if there wasn’t conceivably any another option?

FIFA advisor: Hey, you know half the world is baying for your blood? We’ve got that snap of you and Tokyo Sexwale we could run – pour some oil upon the water?

Any sane person: $@c& Off!

*Sepp Blagger tees are still available from Reception *

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