Canary Flavoured Player Ratings

Good morning.

All a bit hairy to start off with. If your definition of hairy of course meant you couldn’t believe we’d managed to go in at half time without being at least two goals to the good. 

If Manchester United had gone up there and won one-nil you wouldn’t have heard a peep out of their lot. Just sensed that satisfied air about them that they had gone in, done a job and got out again. Winning, the breakfast of Champions.

Can I add that I am dead chuffed. Genuinely dead chuffed with the performance. The era of the shirker appears to thankfully to have come to an end. No bellies still creaking from too much festive fare among our lot.  No half a mind on getting back into the warm to play with their diamond encrusted video game controllers.

So thanks for that lads. And well done.

 7.845 If I had to sum him up in one word, that word would be reassuring. Like a draw full of freshly laundered underwear, or a cupboard full of lovely food. Or a gun under your pillow. He’s reassuring on so many different levels. 

 6.045 Not the world’s most reliable defender and simultaneously one of the world’s shoddiest attacking forces. Needs some serious coaching in order to harness what is obviously a bundle of talent.

 7.432 Looked very much like one of them top notch centre back types out of  one of them big swanky Premiership sides that comes down from that London. 

 7.432 Another genuine positive. He and Younes gave a good impression of the the old, your name’s not down, you’re not coming in sketch to Morrison and that pig dog Holt.

 7.432 Some cheerful holiday racism from the local yokels didn’t deter a generally excellent shift. His aerial passing is far too hit and miss and he needs to improve or remove this from his game.

 8.001 His attitude is extraordinary. Let’s hope that we can keep him in a Spurs shirt for many many years to come. Not the same shirt of course, that would actually deteriorate into a human rights issue.

 7.765 His appointment as captain sends ripples of satisfaction through the Tottinghamsphere. He talks to his team mates and appears to be rather useful when it comes to asking referees what’s occurring in their tiny minds.

 8.439 The egg that binds. Try baking without eggs. Go on. Off you go. We’ll wait. We’ve got as long as you need… See? it doesn’t work. Without him we wouldn’t even be half baked. And that is science.

 8.455 Passing wise, he can place an emu strapped to a grandfather clock through the eye of a needle, yet unless his corners are taken short they seem routinely not to find a team mate.

 8.797 His early shots made me swear, but not as joyfully as those that went in. He was pretty much unplayable. Roddy McDowall would have been proud of his celebratory ‘simian reel’.

 7.992 It is a wonderful sight to see him in the shirt. He smiles, he thinks, he grafts and more often than not he delivers. The wit and variety he offers make him well worth a monster fee. Let’s pray we get him long term.