Perceptive Analysis, Prolific Player Ratings

Good morning.

In my capacity as a punter this looked every inch like a game where Arry had joined in at long last. From absentee landlord/media mogul to attentive coach. 

We got a 433 and a bloke with his jacket off shouting at his players and generally looking like he gave a stuff. Football is a simple game and those of us that invest so much emotionally and otherwise are simple people. Much in life is about perception.

When you phone in sick to your workplace, you must sound sick. Even if you’ve twisted your ankle and can’t walk, you sound generally sick on the call. Like it just happened and you’re feebly still reeling. The consequences of not doing this are the moment your boss puts the phone down he says to himself or someone else, ‘Well he didn’t sound sick.’

Arry has been perceived as a guy who just can’t be done with addressing the issues we’ve all been screaming about.

“Big game today, Arry. Spurs haven’t won at Stamford Bridge since 1803. What are your thoughts?”

“Well, I ain’t heard nuffink from the FA. Not a sausage. And think you need proper players like Fwank at the Euros. For sure.”

And so we suddenly got Bale (mostly) on the left, we got a 433, we got corners that (mostly) beat the first man and we got the tight lipped ashen faced supremo joining in on the touchline.

The TV pundit johnnies were getting quite worked up over the first half. As ‘neutrals’ (hahahaha hello Gary Neville) I guess they weren’t as grateful as us Tottenham fans that we were doing such a great job neutralising the Cheatsski threat.

I know Mata hit the post, but this guy has been one of the standout players of the season in the Barclays Premier League and hitting the post is more or less all he got to do.

If it wasn’t the world’s most exciting game for the first 45, that’s actually to our credit for avoiding gung-ho garbage, hoofs and any other assorted comedy antics we have form for. 

You learn from your mistakes (on a good day) but I hope Arry has learned from his successes here. The contrast tactically between this game and every damn game since Newcastle was extraordinary. If he carries on in the vein we can win the FA Cup and we can secure Champions League football.

It’s all his to lose now.

 5.987 He’s too old to teach new tricks, but that said most of his trickery doesn’t need updating. He’s a top top goalie. But he can’t come off his line for toffee. Kyle offered him some toffee at one stage and Brad was quite adamant he was looking after this teeth. 

 5.665 He was guilty on several occasions being incredibly sloppy. Sloppy like a marionette with a string cut sloppy. I have a theory about a direct correlation between his choice of hairstyle and the quality of his performances. More cornrows please.

 7.212 Sunday, I’m in love. One of thse days he’s going to take the ball the ball to about 25 yards out and wallop it so hard, so sweet that when it goes through the other lot’s net fans behind the goal will duck and as it hits the stand the first wave of NPD demolition will have commenced. And that is how to build a new era.

 7.231 A step up in quality from Walker here. No, I still don’t rate him as highly as many of you but yesterday he showed distinct signs of maturity. More please.

 7.456 Yesterday was stretched him alright. You didn’t see him do too much with the ball because he was too busy trying to suffocated Lampard, Mata and anyone else who came near him. A focused and admirable performance. Benefited from the 433.

 8.456 He was ‘on message’ with PNB and he helped spread the word. We have some very fine players in our squad but their ‘weakness’ if you like is that they need constant managing. On a battlefield you need your Generals to understand war or you probably won’t win despite your best efforts. Billy understands war.

  8.156 A slow build. It seemed to me that at, ‘some point’ he copped on to the fact we could win it. And from then on in he raised his game. Or maybe he took an hour to adapt to the tempo. Either way I don’t trust him as much as I once did.

  8.444 We’re blessed. He actually talks to his men mates and he talks to the officials with aplomb. More please. And I hope your nose is alright. Sir.

  7.782 Well done young man. Daylight bleedin’ dawns. We’re all happy for you to roam, but not if your vision is at the cost of, ‘the cause’.  Unlucky with his attempts on goal and a stand out performance in terms of being a team player. Class act.

 7.722 A delight. Always looking for a ball, always looking to provide a ball. I like him because he’s both intelligent and determined.

 9.000 Without him, we would have suffered like you wouldn’t believe. Yes, he was a bit ‘iffy’ in his capacity as a striker, but his overall contributions make him my MOTM. Unstoppable commitment to the Chicken Badge. Ade we salute you, geeze.

 7.000 A seriously decent impression of a cracking ‘impact sub’. I think he knows that he faded last time out and this showed me he was up for the challenge. Quality impact.