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Acute Analysis Punchy Player Ratings

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Good morning.

After all the well earned plaudits for Swanselona and Brendan Rodgers (t/a Christ Is Risen plc) it was fantastic to see us play coherently for the third game in a row and look every inch a team that deserves to play Champions League football next season.

Now this next bit won’t surprise some but will infuriate others; but I do hope Arry isn’t waiting for a round of applause from the fans anytime soon for that sumptuous feast?

We’ve just had an entire week of increasing praise for Rodgers and ability to lay on the most amazing football buffet with the most limited resources. Need to stretch a few baked goods and seafood to accommodate some unexpected guests? Need wine, but only got water? Dial 1800 BRENDAN.

All Arry has done is the bleedin’ obvious with extraordinary resources.

After taking a sabbatical from managing Spurs to woo anyone who might listen in the media about his suitability for the England job and then being humiliated at Goodison Park where our travelling fans sang tactical advice to him he’s rejoined the party.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m delighted. And I’m not so mean and nasty as to say, ‘well that’s what he’s paid for’, it’s just his fannying around blew a 10 point lead. 

The abandonment of the ailing King and the return to fitness of Billy Gallas has been a blessing. With PNB and Sandro partnered in front of the current back four we look as good as we ever have in years there.

Let’s hit the player ratings then…

 7.090That save was literally supersonic. Fingertiptastic. He was spotted off his line a few times but I am convinced that this was just an optical illusion. It never happened. Go back to your homes. 

 6.665 A mixed bag really. Which is to say he showed promise yet made some really dumb, unforced errors and I thought he was on the way up, not down.

 7.379 Hammerfoot himself. A couple of naff passes out but more importantly he’s looking like one heck of a defender. Apologies if the word ‘heck’ is a bit strong, but that’s just how I feel.

 7.479 Billy. Bill. The Billster. He’s more of a captain for me than Ledders as you can see he’s a natural communicator, he doesn’t hesitate to communicate, in very natural way.

 7.479 Tighter than an Ibis Hotel breakfast buffet. Benny was in great form. Lifted the ball of ’em and immediately looked to feed the boys up-field. Classy.

 7.789 The N17 Enforcer. The camera panned on to him ten minutes in. Sweet beading, shirt looked like he’d been hit with grass cannonball yet his hair was immaculate.  

 7.778 He’s been a busy little bar steward, that Brazilian. I he’s going to be a great player. Big time huge, respected player. He defends endlessly but always looking to flick the ball into an attack.

 7.999 A handful of duff balls and relatively low key performance might have misled some that he was poor.  In lots of recipes you need the egg that binds. He’s not curate’s egg, he’s more the egg that you can go to work on. Nearly Easter see  – you didn’t realise I can fire out the topical ones too, did you?

 8.111 He plays on the left. And boy did he ever. What impressed me was he made more of a go of it defensively. And I do like to see everyone pitching in. He was spotted going central a couple of times, but little came of it as usual.

 7.333 Blud. Bruv. You get me? Well we didn’t get him until late on but he was a refreshing addition. Super cross. That’s just what Jesus said. Oh yes, I’m firing them out now…

 8.902 He’s bloody good you know, we should sign him. The hardest working act in show business today. Bernie Clifton simply calls him, ‘The Daddy’. Actor Ken Loach refers to him as, ‘The Vaartster’. 

 9.001. Monday I’m in love. Probably could have scored four if he’d have had the kind of unselfish service he gives others. Such an asset. His detractors need to ease up and take in what we’ve got on our hands here.

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106 comments

  • Bukkake-breath says:

    Should have gone for Cahill poor ledders has lost his way a bit decent centre half has to be 1st signing

    • McG says:

      I think cover for Lennon should be a top priority, that’s what’s cost us most recently IMO. Need to keep our shape..

      Id keep Gallas for another season, and Ill be surprised if Leds doesnt get one more too.

      Its going to be a really interesting transfer window in the summer, hope we keep Ade, sign Hazard, Damiao, a decent CB and cover for Azza. Dreaming here I know!!

      • Hartley says:

        Once Naughton returns from Norwich we can use Walker as cover for Azza…agree, keep King and Gallas who no doubt will give valuable help to Caulker on his return and fill in for cup games/emergencies/coaching etc….but we do still need another centre half…

        • Alspur says:

          Loads of people keep going on about Walker playing at right MF (not just you, Harts…), but I just can’t see it, myself (except in a dire emergency…)

          He can’t beat a man (except by sheer pace) and his crossing is pretty poor…

          I’d rather have Naughton as back-up for Walker and a winger in to complement Lennon & Bale (Hoilett – cheap option; Hazard – expensive option)

        • david says:

          If/ when Wolves go down, they have 2 wingers who might fit the bill in Jarvis and Kightley.

        • david says:

          But I like Hoillet as well and had hoped we would sign him in January. He is out of contract in the Summer and will have a queue of clubs trying to sign him.

        • Heath Spur says:

          Or Drenthe if we can’t get Hoilett. Available on a free.

  • Steveo1987 says:

    Going back to Ade, I think he has done great for us. There had been talk for a while about him coming to us and I for one was really pleased when we got him. This is his first season with us and the stats rack up nicely. If those few goals he had chalked off had counted we would still be in front of that other mob and his stats would have been even better. I only have a minor criticism. I have to qualify this as I didn’t watch him too much when he played down the road is that he seems to have lost some of his awesomeness. It might be he is a better all round player but I remember thinking in the 5-1 League Cup game when we may of been 3 (or 4) to the good please don’t bring Adebayor on. They did and he scored an absolutely blinding goal out of nothing. But first season with us he has done great and he fits the team well and they all seem to like him.

    • Alspur says:

      I think he’s lost a bit of his goal-scoring prowess but replaced that with better all-round play and a more mature & unselfish approach… I’m definitely a fan…

  • NYSpurs says:

    Fully agree with what you say about Gallas being captain in Kings absence, although that may not go down well with a few on here. He’s always talking, pointing and shouting in a non PSB way.
    Only 7 PL games left and we have already beaten all of them once this season.
    COYS!

  • david says:

    Odd to see the Prince playing CL for AC Milan, maybe we missed a trick there although on his rare excursions for us, he never looked particularly outstanding.
    I notice that since we sent Pienaar back to Everton he has been Man of the match on several occasions. Wonder if he will come back to us.

    • McG says:

      I dont want him back tbh, what’s the point? He’s doing well with the toffees cos hes been given a run in the side and is better than most of their players, but not most of ours…

      • david says:

        He would never be in our starting eleven and maybe he is one of those players who needs to start every game to maintain his performance levels and confidence.

    • Heath Spur says:

      It is certainly a shocker when he first joined Milan but he doesn’t look out of place in their team. Qhen he was with us we played 4-4-2 which didn’t suit him, he is doing much better as the attacking midfielder in a 4-3-3.

  • wilboid says:

    Do you mean Ken Loach the film director? Or is there another Ken Loach down at your local Didier Zokora Amatuer Dramatics Club?

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