Analysis & Ratings To Self Harm By


I’ve deliberately separated the analysis of the players from the manager because I maintain we’ve a great squad and Tottenham Hotspur Football Club is bigger than one chimpanzee with a saucepan stuck on his head. 

The lads are in their twenties and I don’t know about you but I was definitely an idiot when I was that age. God knows where my brain would have been if I was a millionaire as well as an idiot. Footballers are rarely better than their managers and coaches. When this does happen it is quite common for the players in this position to move onwards and upwards. In short, they aren’t a bad bunch, they just need managing.

So here’s run through of what I was watching…

 6.009 He pulled off a cracking save. I’m terrified by his generally lack of mobility though. Like every goalie in the world he really does need a half decent crew in front of him.

 7.008 I thought he had a good game. I’m infuriated that he’s crossing more balls in from the left than Bale because he’s not as dangerous as Bale. But Benny ain’t the manager…

 3.008 He’s had it. And while his form/fitness plummets it is insane to pick him without him having done any training. Those days are long gone. He shouldn’t be allowed to play right now.

 5.000 Not entirely woeful and now injured. Wonderful.

 3.767 Pants defender, pants attacking wing thingy. 

 5.090 I started to warm to him and now I’m just seeing a J**** but thankfully minus that imbecilic tongue hanging out to indicate having recently run somewhere, perhaps returning a library book.

 1.100 He’s absolute rubbish. 

 7.777 Looked hungry out there yesterday but didn’t work any magic.

 7.444 Loves being the middle. Someone should write that down on a post it note and then staple gun said note to Arry’s forehead.

 6.222 He’s a card. Still driven by the vision. Should be driving a Yaris.

 5.000 Gave it a go, I suppose.

 7.555 Lovely goal.

 7.444 Too often like a man with his laces tied together, sadly.



  1. I’ve just read on physioroom that gomes is injured and might not make the Chelsea game. Things are just going from bad to worse aren’t they :silly:

  2. You know what after reading the posts on here we dont even need Arry. Its all here. Print 22 copies hand out to players and let them do the rest. So many correct points/ comments it makes me wonder what does Arry tell the players in training ?? ” Yeah run about a bit, not you Ledley, Scotty your in the middle try and get the ball, Gareth your on the wing ( does not tell him which one ) Brad stay on your line, Kyle bomb forward any chance you get. Luka ( triffik lad ) keep the ball but dont shoot, Benny get your hair cut “

  3. Too mant posts to read through so apologies if this has been mentioned.

    I am a huge fan of his but I thought Luka was horrendous on Monday.
    I wasnt alone.

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