Analysis & Ratings To Self Harm By


I’ve deliberately separated the analysis of the players from the manager because I maintain we’ve a great squad and Tottenham Hotspur Football Club is bigger than one chimpanzee with a saucepan stuck on his head. 

The lads are in their twenties and I don’t know about you but I was definitely an idiot when I was that age. God knows where my brain would have been if I was a millionaire as well as an idiot. Footballers are rarely better than their managers and coaches. When this does happen it is quite common for the players in this position to move onwards and upwards. In short, they aren’t a bad bunch, they just need managing.

So here’s run through of what I was watching…

 6.009 He pulled off a cracking save. I’m terrified by his generally lack of mobility though. Like every goalie in the world he really does need a half decent crew in front of him.

 7.008 I thought he had a good game. I’m infuriated that he’s crossing more balls in from the left than Bale because he’s not as dangerous as Bale. But Benny ain’t the manager…

 3.008 He’s had it. And while his form/fitness plummets it is insane to pick him without him having done any training. Those days are long gone. He shouldn’t be allowed to play right now.

 5.000 Not entirely woeful and now injured. Wonderful.

 3.767 Pants defender, pants attacking wing thingy. 

 5.090 I started to warm to him and now I’m just seeing a J**** but thankfully minus that imbecilic tongue hanging out to indicate having recently run somewhere, perhaps returning a library book.

 1.100 He’s absolute rubbish. 

 7.777 Looked hungry out there yesterday but didn’t work any magic.

 7.444 Loves being the middle. Someone should write that down on a post it note and then staple gun said note to Arry’s forehead.

 6.222 He’s a card. Still driven by the vision. Should be driving a Yaris.

 5.000 Gave it a go, I suppose.

 7.555 Lovely goal.

 7.444 Too often like a man with his laces tied together, sadly.



  1. Great player marking H although Nelson should be shot in the paddocks. old mule. WE DON’T NEED COVER HARRY, JUST BUY A HORSE AND F KING CART IN JANUARY, LOAN OUT PLAYERS THAT COULD HAVE TAKEN THE BURDEN OFF OUR OVERWORKED STARTING 11 (pienarse, carroll) Levy should sack him but will wait for the F.A’s filthy, dirty cash. Oh dear how did it come to this. I preferred it when we were rising club, now were staring at the possibility of starting from 2005-6 standards.

  2. It’s clear that Redknapp has no idea how we should be lining up, which in turn is confusing the fragile minds of our lackluster “superstars”.

    I reckon this England business has lost him the dressing room, and caused him to lose the plot.

    Too generous with the ratings; all below 7 and the visible lack of effort/care from some of the players was disgusting.

    1. Bale and Modric were clearly trying to avoid injury for next week, thought Nelson came on and looked our best defender…I was half expecting a refund on the way out yesterday…

      1. The most depressing thing about yesterday was watching a legend’s demise.It really saddened me to see such a quality defender finally succumb to the ravages of persistent injury. Gallas is going to give it another season, but surely a solid bid and the subsequent securing of Vertonghren’s signature must be the number one priority.
        As a staunch defender of Levy, I must say, this situation is his and only his responsibility, and it’s being handled poorly to say the least. Only he can sack Harry and only he can offer him a new deal or incentive to stay, but we’ve got silence, which is far more damaging than a definite statement one way or another, sort it out please, or else any compensation we’re getting from the FA will be nullified by the loss of potential Eurocash, we’re not going to get by playing in the Europa League!

        1. Ledley ledley for he was the king of white Hart Lane :-( . so sad to see him not at his best.

  3. We are fecked !!!!! 1) Every dog and wife saying Arry for England Why , cause he is fekin English nothing more nothing less 2) Players worried about getting injured before FA Cup Semi at Wembely 3) Run in is now against teams who will fight to survive 4) Sc#M ( got I hate them highlighted by Wanker No:1 Alan Davies )got nervy Man City and tomorrow the weakest team EVER in the history of the PL, Wolves under TC ( no offense TC). Could Arry be doing this on purpose ??? He thinks Maureen is coming and he has been stabbed in the back ???

  4. When the scum beat Wolves tomorrow they’ll be 5 points ahead of us. That’s a 15 point swing in 6 weeks!

    Forget the FA’s compo, at this rate they won’t want him. Get this clown out now while we’ve still got a chance of CL football and the cup.

  5. harrys wreking the ship before he goes some of the players dont give a shit or aint got the ability modric fits the old style spurs FANCY DAN god were in a mess back to a midtable team

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