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Analysis & Ratings To Self Harm By

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Hallo.

I’ve deliberately separated the analysis of the players from the manager because I maintain we’ve a great squad and Tottenham Hotspur Football Club is bigger than one chimpanzee with a saucepan stuck on his head. 

The lads are in their twenties and I don’t know about you but I was definitely an idiot when I was that age. God knows where my brain would have been if I was a millionaire as well as an idiot. Footballers are rarely better than their managers and coaches. When this does happen it is quite common for the players in this position to move onwards and upwards. In short, they aren’t a bad bunch, they just need managing.

So here’s run through of what I was watching…

 6.009 He pulled off a cracking save. I’m terrified by his generally lack of mobility though. Like every goalie in the world he really does need a half decent crew in front of him.

 7.008 I thought he had a good game. I’m infuriated that he’s crossing more balls in from the left than Bale because he’s not as dangerous as Bale. But Benny ain’t the manager…

 3.008 He’s had it. And while his form/fitness plummets it is insane to pick him without him having done any training. Those days are long gone. He shouldn’t be allowed to play right now.

 5.000 Not entirely woeful and now injured. Wonderful.

 3.767 Pants defender, pants attacking wing thingy. 

 5.090 I started to warm to him and now I’m just seeing a J**** but thankfully minus that imbecilic tongue hanging out to indicate having recently run somewhere, perhaps returning a library book.

 1.100 He’s absolute rubbish. 

 7.777 Looked hungry out there yesterday but didn’t work any magic.

 7.444 Loves being the middle. Someone should write that down on a post it note and then staple gun said note to Arry’s forehead.

 6.222 He’s a card. Still driven by the vision. Should be driving a Yaris.

 5.000 Gave it a go, I suppose.

 7.555 Lovely goal.

 7.444 Too often like a man with his laces tied together, sadly.

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139 comments

  • Kash says:

    15 point swing in 6 weeks !!! It took that Twitchy fecker 6 weeks to find another formation after Azza blud got injured and he could not play his beloved 4-4-2. Arry take not 4-4-2 only works when Bale , Modric , Parker and Lennon are available. DONT play 4-4-2 with Krankie , Livermore or VDV out of position. Joe please read this to Arry.

    • abe says:

      Uhh, only Parker was not available yesterday. 4-4-2 works when Bale, Modric and lennon put in a shift.

      • Kash says:

        Abe but then Arry should have played Sandro instead of Parker. Which would have also worked ( maybe even better dare I say ) There I said it !!! now its too late…

  • elfranklins says:

    Does anyone else rather we finish 6th as opposed to 5th again this season? Sounds crazy but getting out of that sand bunker of a competition on the fareway that lies before a champions league spot could help us regroup and make a serious challenge next season?

  • Essexian76 says:

    Totally agree, all or nothing, swerve to Europa if we’re not going to make the CL, but I can’t see how we can if we can do Chelsea on Sunday and Liverpool beat Everton, we’re in it anyway!

  • 4 Ever Hopeful says:

    There are any number of reasons that could be put forward for firing Redknapp immediately; selection decisions here and there, formations all over the place, the timing of substitutions and those perpetual inane comments in every bloody interview he ever does (David Bentley had the right idea when he soaked the prat) but they are all open to debate and rarely unanimous, even on this site.

    However one thing is beyond doubt and that is the utterly senseless and personally cruel decision to keep playing Ledley King, a once thoroughbred racehorse who now frankly could not even do a milkround. It has been there everytime he has played since Christmas and getting worse game by game. Yesterday he was like a frightened rabbit for that first goal; just standing there gaping while it all played out around him.

    Forget the goal, I just did not enjoy seeing that sight yesterday. Redknapp has shown himself to be totally stupid and without compassion and for that alone he should go now.

    As for the FA, would they really offer the England job to somebody capable of such a brainless selction?

    • Eyeball Paul says:

      No, and they would be mad to….Harry’s record since Feb is proof enough that he is not the saviour of English football – more like Kevin Keegan Part 2…

  • Discospurs says:

    Generally agree, though quite a few of those marks are too generous. Five out of ten should be an average. We didn’t have that many players playing above average yesterday.

    Actually my biggest gripe on reflection is Modric. For a £40M midfielder he does very, very little to hurt the opposition. We’ll get a defence splitting pass once every few games, a goal once every 15 or so. An assist once in a blue moon. He looks good – and he makes space superbly and wriggles like no other, but really to what end?

    Sunderland, and to a lesser extent yesterday, showed up the difference between a short passing game and a direct game. When we were on fire, we blended both. What Modric epitomises however is the sort of pointless tippy tappy play we’ve so long derided the scum for. Pretty, but ineffective. If Chelsea offered £40M now, I’d bite their hands off. He is replaceable – maybe no one can do the twisting and turning, tippy tappy stuff quite like him, but half the midfield of Norwich / Swansea are more effective at helping sides actually win football matches. We just love him because he *looks* so Tottenham. Pretty…but ineffective.

    • 4 Ever Hopeful says:

      Spot On. He reminds me of the song Busy Doing Nothing. He hogs the ball, lets the opposition defenders regroup and moving him out is essential given his apparent worth to others.

    • LLL says:

      Come on, those deriding Modric’s ability seriously need to check themselves. Yes, he’s looked quite knackered due to being picked week in, day in, day out, and very likely his spirit has already flown to his new club in the Summer. But to start saying he is pointless or ineffectual just shows a poor grasp of the game. When we have played well, he has always been integral to that. The problem is that at the moment he is a Barcelona grade player – albeit a slightly clapped-out, jaded one – playing with players below his standing and under a manager who is superstitious about tactics. And he knows it.

      He will be off in Summer, of that much I’m certain. But you see how much we miss him when he’s not here. There aren’t too many of his kind in the world, and less still that would think about plying their trade in our shirt.

      Those talking about basic like-for-likes such as comparing his stats to Dempsey, for instance, are missing that bigger picture. Dempsey is a bold, aggressive character with a goal getting instinct, currently enjoying the most prolific season of his career. Mod is a craftsman, the little architect that could fit in and not look out of place in the best teams in the world. Just think about it – who do you see as a most natural fit in that Barcelona midfield – Modric or Dempsey?

      • Sam says:

        Well said. Thanks for that.

        Modric is utter class. Modric isn’t the overall assist getter, he is the deep creator, laying the balls to Bale, Lennon, Rafa, Ade etc, so they can get the penetrating pass.

        Sad day if and when Modders leaves. Who we going to replace him with – Xabi Alonso, Xavi, David Silva…? No. Probs a returning Jenas. Sad times.

      • Essexian76 says:

        They’re not deriding Modric’s ability I think?, it’s more how the guys deployed to be at his most effective that concerns me mostly. Without Parker, there were huge gaps between mid and forward, same as last season, but Parker has by and large (when he keeps his discipline) been the cement and unfortunately Livermore isn’t that sort of player (round pegs, round holes), whereas Sandro is and really should’ve played instead of Livermore. If there are any doubts about Modric’s ability as opposed to where he’s been asked to play, I’d be very surprised. Probably it’s only the ‘Rat Face’ brigade and their usual utter rubbish your picking up on, to which I’d suggest it’s best to ignore the ignorant!

        • Eyeball Paul says:

          Modric has been ineffective for a long time now. I agree he may be jaded – he doesnt have to play every game, we could’ve coped on Monday with a midfield of Bale, Lennon, Sandro, Livermore and VDV playing in behind Defoe or Ade…this line up keeps the 4,2,3,1 which Harry loves so much.

          I’ll be honest, I am not a Modric fan, and I would take 40million for him, should it be offered. A fit huddlestone can do most of what he can. If Livermore could gain a bit more bite and drive he may be our answer – he has shown glimpses of what he can do when the ‘shackles’ are off.

          Modric should be rested for the QPR game and brought back for the Blackburn match. We will need more physicality fpr that match anyway.

        • Essexian76 says:

          If truth be told we miss Huddlestone far more than any other player because he offers more then just a pass and can also play centre back. With him and Modric the season before last, they looked balanced and Modric was far more effective and dynamic than he ever does playing with VDV, who incidentally I don’t rate in the slightest, who although a gifted player, is the main culprit for slowing up and stilting our play, than any other. We looked earlier in the season, far better without him, than we do right now, with him!

        • Alspur says:

          Sorry, Paul – Hudd’s a great player, but you can’t really compare him and Modric…

          Both have excellent balls skills and control, but Modric can go past a player (massive bonus) whereas Hudd can hit a 40 yard pass (Modders can’t…) and strikes a beautiful shot (which Modric doesn’t…)

          You could play them together with Parker/Sandro in a MF three and have a very interesting range of options, though… Hudd has been a big loss to our squad, this season…

      • Alspur says:

        Spot on, mate – Modric didn’t pick himself to play on the Saturday and then the Monday…

        Why the f*ck couldn’t Krankjcar have had a run out in a MF 3?

        At least he’d have got some minutes under his belt if we need him in games to come…

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