Occluded Uvula : Surgeons Racing To Save Arry

News breaking this morning that a team of highly trained chimpanzee monkees from London Zoo have been dispatched to a private address in Sandbanks, Dorset in an attempt to save a man that experts have described as, ‘clinically stupid’.

The chimps are dressed in medical outfits and are said to be experts at larking about, pulling crazy faces, making refreshing cups of tea and moving pianos.

Spurs supremo Arry Redshnapps was thought to be in good shape mentally, but a series of ridiculous media incidents have acted as a catalyst to events and now every second counts if Spurs are to retain any dignity at all this season.

After losing at home to Norwich City, Mr Redshnapps admitted to hearing voices in his head. Voices that were telling him to play 442 and who’s instruction he says …he dutifully obeyed.

Buoyed by his initial runaway success at Spurs, Arry’s occasional, gentle and pleasing manner with the press has became a full blown exercise in media whoring. Am I exaggerating? Take a peak at the front cover of the latest 442 Magazine.

The latest quote is as dynamite dumb as his revelation that he could have signed Luis Suarez is yet more proof he’s just a girl that can’t say ‘no comment’.

“We could have had Sessegnon at one time I think, the people who work for me weren’t really convinced at the time…”

Are these the same people in his head, or completely separate set of people who operate outside of his coconut? This is becoming complicated to keep up with now.

Let’s hope the Chimps can successfully prize his foot out of his mouth before the semi final on Sunday or who knows what the next piece of garbage to spill from his almighty gob might be…