Shut Up & Finish Your Happy Meal

Good morning.

The old ‘lots of people attending The Games dressed up as empty seats’ gag was doing the rounds yesterday. It seems that Olympic jingoism only extends as far as telling everyone how simply marvellous and breathtaking the festival is. 

Actually buying a ticket to go and sit through a minority sport that only exists at ‘this level’ thanks to The Stupid Tax™ lottery funding is stretching things to far. Lord Coe has emerged from his crypt to get to the bottom of this situation as Great Britain now looks certain to medal in the ’16 Day Fiasco’ event. 

A LOLOG spokesman said,

Where there are empty seats, we will look at who should have been sitting in the seats, and why they did not attend

I a move that is surely to be imitated at publicly staged events globally,  Culture secretary Jeremy Hunt suggested the vacant seats could be offered to members of the public.

I was at the Beijing Games, in 2008, and one of the lessons that we took away from that, is that full stadia create the best atmosphere

Metropolitan Police Det Supt Nick Downing said:

My team has been working tirelessly to clamp down on ticket touts.

You see, that’s the difference, right there. You can see why these guys rise to the very top can’t you? These fellas don’t mess about. It’s all up there, you know. Downstairs for dancing.

Here’s an alternative tip. If they can’t give the seats away …try The Lonely Guy’s store at 81st and Lex. 

Did you know that ten thousand children in Hackney live below the poverty line, a rate of 39 per cent. For Tower Hamlets the rate is 52 per cent – more than half the population and double the national average. I wonder how many were tucking into their Happy Meal during the Opening Ceremony thinking those GOSH beds looked clean and fun and …welcoming.

Football. We played Liverpool last night. Oh yes we did. 

The heat was oppressive. The grass was about a foot long. The overall effect was like one of those kids games. You know the one. Ping pong balls with velcro strips and that felt dartboard. 

As with the LA game it is ambitious to try and draw any earthshaking conclusions here. What we can say for sure is that they for the most part all look fit and strong. Thud looks at his most lean and lithe since …forever. 

Charlie Adam was trending within minutes of his foul on Bale. Someone Tweeted ‘it’s never walk alone, not never walk again.’ He really isn’t fit to play in the Premier League. That said, it’s tough to know who you’d really wish to inflict him upon. 

***** featured and I swear he’s doing it on purpose. Earnest of face,  sideways of pass, tongue out like a strategically shaved red setter. What the hell is going on? Yes it’s fair that guys get a second chance, but …not him, please.

Now there was a thing on the OS about preseason shirt numbers not being a reflection of how they would be once the season proper kicks off; but Bale in the 9 shirt? I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a good idea, if and only if there is someone to take his place on the left wing and we don’t have anyone on the books.  Pushing up Benny, isn’t the answer. 

The high line which everyone is suddenly an expert on hasn’t actually existed so far. Anyone who can explain to me the difference in the way Benny for example was playing last night and last season …is welcome to. 

Positives? Kane and Gylfi mostly.

Harry Kane I would be really very keen to see play next season. Of all the ‘kids’ he looks like he could be something special. Sigurdsson may well score a lot of goals for us next season. There is a determination, an opportunism about him I really warm to. 

Liverpool? They looked even less mind blowing than we did.