Trailer Trash Analysis

Good afternoon.

Even the most ardent ‘I told you so’ merchants are struggling to find fault with a 3-1 win indoors over the great unwashed from the East End. That said I’m slightly surprised that more hasn’t been made out of how miserable West Ham were. Noble, Nolan and Diame had a bit of a go and when t hey eventually did press there was nobody for the second ball from Carroll’s headers.

Spurs were quite cagey in the opening exchanges and it took Defoe’s first goal before we appeared genuinely comfortable on the ball. Long range ‘shots’ and runs that petered out seemed the order of the day.West Ham were pretty awful. As toothless and witless as their support.

Caulker’s assist aside, Hugo had an decent game. He’s a spritely little fella and I feel a lot more comfortable with him in goal than Brad. He’s not better than Brad, they simply offer different things and I prefer what this guy has. He must however get a settled back four in front of him. Where for art thou, Benny?

Defensively he never really came under much fire. Offensively he made one memorable run during which he sneezed and his frontal lobe shot out of his nose and being the size of an ant’s arse it was lost in the grass. He won’t miss it. Then run ended with him also losing possession.

A remarkably measured game. Clearly he was instructed repeatedly not to hoof and it had sunk in. He was clearly brought on to diffusive the threat of Andy Carroll. The truth is he didn’t succeed and from memory Carroll won every ball. Mmmn.

He was having a steady enough game until the howler. One ‘new’ thing that our lads need to grasp is that punting the thing mindlessly is not on. It invariably hands possession to the other lot.

Commanding and thoughtful. Did anyone else spot him pleading for movement when trying to pass and take throw ins? Oh that must have been Tommy then…

Sam old same old. Some breathtaking passing that at once gave our play a lift. To counter this his movement was abysmal. More life in a tramp’s vest, And this shooting thing needs to be knocked on the head now. He hasn’t scored since forever and needs to stop shooting. I want Carroll given a go.

If all our players were as dedicated as he is, we’d win the Champions League. Left the pitch after vomiting. Word is he ate someone that disagreed with him.

Given how bloody awful they were he should have run rings around them, but he didn’t. I seriously get the impression he joins in when he’s in the mood. The assist was good, but that was an example of simply doing the right thing. Looking up and thinking quickly. He needs to employ this tactic every time he gets the ball.

At last. A proper performance. We now know what it was he was doing in training that kept getting him picked. If he can play like this and build from this, we could be on to something. Again, the opposition was pants, but you can’t help but feel slightly cheered by that showing.

Another improved effort but you have to ask why we aren’t getting this every week. We’ve enough on our plate without supposedly ‘world class’ players going missing or joining in when in the mood. He went through West Ham like he went through Norwich. We need to see him at it every week. No excuses. That Maicon business was a long time ago now. 

What a goal. When wasn’t scoring he was of course serving up the usual. Selfish and wasteful. That’s what you get.

He looked pensive and rightly so. The fast food, Persian bazaar culture of the Premier League would have had him listed as having 2 games to save his job or some such gibberish had we lost. Hopefully he has faith in Hugo now. The sooner he can field a steady back four the better. Moussa clearly and understandably isn’t quite match fit. So it’s another week of sticking his head round the physio room door asking for updates.