Date: 27th July 2010 at 6:56pm
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Hold tight on the upper deck.

Curtis Davies for £7 million plus access to an All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet based upon appearances. West Am have appeared like the uninvited guest at the wedding reception that they truly are. They will probably offer £20 million and a time share on a lock up in Lewisham.

Robbie has disappeared down his own vole hole. Last seen waving a photocopy of his contract like a Pilt Down Man version of Macmillan crying, ‘Oive a contract’. Idiot.

Micah Richards. What hasn’t been said about Emile Heskey already that we couldn’t attribute to this plinth? Worth his weight in polystyrene chips.

Enquiries have supposedly been made about Craig Bellamy. In the past these would have included nightclub CCTV footage. These days it’s Redschapps sucking on a biro looking furtively at a mobile phone vibrating on silent.

If there isn’t a sensible rumour by mid next week I’m going full tilt into the ‘making it up’ business.