Word emerging from the Emptycrates this morning is of ‘unusual goings on’ taking place in the Away dressing room yesterday that have led to a full blown enquiry.
Arsenal Football club apparently lay on a small buffet for visiting teams. On this occasion their had been some foul up with the catering order and all that was provided for Tottenham was a case of Evian, an uncooked Sea Bass and a solitary loaf of bread.
Eyewitness reports indicate that Spurs supremo Arry Redschnapps stormed into the dressing room ahead of his players and slammed the door behind him.
Fred Cheeserim, an Emptycrates Chief Security officer told The Yiddisher Psychic & Mart , ‘I heard what can only be described as incantations and talking in tongues . Everyone could hear it. We is used to a bit of colourful language from that boot room at half time, but this was other worldly, mate. I swear I thought I heard a chicken squawk.’
‘There was a blinding flash of light come from beneath the door then nuffink. Pure silence. The clatter of studs stopped and if I’m truthful a few of the Spurs lads was clutching each other.’
‘The door pulled open and Arry almost whispered at ’em to come in. The went in like little lambs. I stood after them in the doorway and couldn’t understand what I was looking at.’
‘The trellis table we’d put out seemed to be three times it’s size … like a banquet. Dish upon dish of the most delicious seafood. Huge dressed fishes, langoustine, oyster platters and magnificent smoked salmons. The soft, enticing smell of freshly baked breads filled the air and the still warm rolls and loaves sat nestled in woven baskets.’
‘Scattered about the table were expensive looking bottle of wine. I was confused, sort of mezmorized if I’m honest. I had been on duty minding that corridor since they ran out. No one went past me and that’s the only route in.’
‘Arry stood in middle of them and spoke softly, with his arms open, his palms turned upward. To be honest, I didn’t fancy it, closed the door and got out of it, sharpish’.
Mr Arsene Wenger was thought to be in the corridor not far behind the Tottenham lads but we understand he has told authorities, ‘ I saw nothing’.