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Missing Person – Please Help – Small Reward

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Good morning. Now pay attention.

The man we are looking for is one Alan Longsocks Hutton, street name Generalissmo Franco Begbie . When standing up he he is 6’1″. Early indicators are that he is not injured in the conventional sense. There is no record of him on Physioroom.com or indeed Tottenham’s official site (although they have a splendedt interview with our new goalkeeper, Patrick Jennings).

Recent sightings include an audition for Celebrity Come Dancing at Craven Cottage and a bit part in Scotland vs Someone Else, the motion picture.

‘Franco’ is believed to be still in the London area and extreme caution is advised if approached. Scientists are still grappling to explain how a young man from Penilee in Glasgow when showered weekly in tens of thousands of pounds and a near infinite variety of the capital’s iniquitous dens and juicers could become distracted.

When this impressionable young man arrived in N17 in 2008 with nothing but a thin film of sweat on his forehead and a pocket full of Stay Plus, his enthusiasm was nearly unstoppable, he told Mr Levy, ‘…pleasure. It’s like, my pleasure in other people’s leisure.’

Ordinarily nobody would be that concerned but after the attempted murder of Charlie on Tuesday night our need for a right back has suddenly become urgent. This blog is hereby offering the cash sum of 72 new pence for his safe return.

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