Blackpool

Van der Vaart Hurts Baby Cow

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Mornin’.

Tangerines away it is. Negatives other than the abject squalor of the town itself out the way first then. Our physio bench is once again to die for… VdV calf strain again (hence the daft headline), Charlie still recovering from an assassination attempt, Krankie, Wooders, King, Thud and Bale all writhing with gout.

This is only leaves us –  excluding the Dutchman – with the journeymen dregs of the squad what beat Italian giants AC Milan at the San Siro last week. So what does that say? I tells me in louder tones than a whisper that we’ll batter them. Battered tangerines. One of our pal, LOTW’s 5 a day.

Blackpool arrived in the premiership looking like a brand new shiny happy thing. Sunshine on a stick. A troupe of unheard of players all as keen as custard led by the quintessential seaside cheeky chappy. The landlady had a wink in her eye, the fairy lights burned brightly, the candy floss was extra fluffy and the livin’ was easy.

Then reality hit Blackpool like a Tom & Jerry safe free-falling from the tenth floor. Splat. The hot dogs were cancelled due a Health & Hygiene Order. The shops, bars, so called nightclubs and hotels’ fixtures and fittings in Blackpool are worth more than their receipts.

Blackpool’s borrowed time is  like watching a piece of film you’ve seen before in slow motion. Not gloating, just calling it as I see it. Whatever Holloway had going on evaporated before Charlie Adam became the white Flava Flav. The reality is that Blackpool came like too many before them into the Premiership ill equipped for the task ahead and I’m not talking about under-soil heating.

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Looking for way to feed and slurp myself I see Azza Blud as man who may skin a few tangerines tonight (see what I did there?) and Anytime Scorer in a modest 0-2 win is just dandy at 25/1.


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337 comments

  • Fatfish says:

    We need to win tonight. We need to get third place this season.

    If we finish fourth and Chelsea finish fifth, but they win the Champions League, we are then dismissed to the Europa League.

    COYS.

    • MalSpurs says:

      Not true.
      If you cast your mind back to 2005: Everton finished 4th, but Liverpool won the Champs league. They both went into Champs league, but UEFA ruled that that would never happen again and you MUST now qualify through your OWN DOMESTIC LEAGUE.

      i.e. If you finish 4th, you’re in.

      • MalSpurs says:

        Sorry there people. I’d like to amend my previous comment. I got it arse-about-face. If you win CHAMPS LEAGUE but fail to finish 4th, the team who finished 4th are booted out.

        i.e. What fatfish said. lol

        • Astromesmo says:

          Do UEFA just make this shit up on the back of a fag packet or is there actually some kind of strategy to the way they run this annual festival of fun?

    • DBs Knees says:

      I thought it was if we finish 4th and Chelsea win, that irrespective of where they finish, England would be given an additional place in the Champions League (at the expense of another country) but would have to slog their way through the Qualifying Rounds a la Liverpool. I don’t remember UEFA saying they would never implement the ruling that they applied to Liverpool and Everton?

  • Bilbo says:

    Does anyone know what has become of Hutton? Redknapp has said that Gallas will play RB this evening.
    Is Krankie out too? No mention on spurs site in the team news.

    • Skybourne says:

      I’ve been wondering about Hutton for a while as well. He seemed to be doing pretty well for us and then just vanished with no report of injury. He played for Scotland a couple weeks back so I can only assume he’s has a bust up with Harry…

      • Wes says:

        Not sure on Hutton’s whereabouts, but why as soon as Charlie was scythed down last week, did Harry not get straight on the phone to Villa to get Walker back? Charlie’s injury and Huttons apparent abduction by aliens, should open the door for him to make his mark at the club.

  • skankehmonkeh says:

    I hope our lads do the business tonight, in a very business-like fashion too please.

    On a slightly different note.

    At the end of that video, of our moment of glory in the San Siro, that buffoon of a Spurs fan celebrating in the Milan section, that’s my Dad that is. Nice one Dad. :)

  • skankehmonkeh says:

    This

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