Date: 20th July 2011 at 7:36am
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Good morning.

Girlfriend in a coma? Sadly not, but my football club appears unwakeable. Now even Ars5na1, the world’s most reluctant transfer market participants have begun spending with their CEO threatening, ‘there’s plenty more where that came from, girls!’ What we have is Steven Peanut Tweeting…

‘Watch out tomorrow for my big announcement!’

So that’s today’s competition. What will be Stevie P’s ‘big announcement’? The winning guess at his impending Tweet will need to be as vicious as it is funny, I know that much.

First prize is TV Dragon, Deborah Meaden. Debs is completely house trained and emits the phrases, ‘Let me tell you where I am,’ and ”I’ve heard enough!’ at random. Ms Meaden comes with washable hair, a half case of Neuf da Pape, an emergency stash of HRT and a wardrobe made by the same people that did Judy Finnegan.