Date: 4th July 2011 at 7:23am
Written by:

It’s going to be called  The Sosueme.

Good morning fight fans and welcome to another installment of Two Dirty Old Men & A Brady.

So West Ham are to take time out from a busy schedule of selling season tickets to street urchins at £90 a pop and embark upon a course of legal action against The Sunday Times and Tottenham Hotspur Football Club.

Lord Sugar must be laughing so hard right now that the task for Wednesday night will be to design & market him a ventilator. ‘And remember teams, none of that Amstrad rubbish. This must be robust.’

Robust is the buzz word. West Ham’s official statement is adamant that their bid was robust. I’m always fascinated by the the use and frequent corruption of language. And I’m not just talking about my typos.

Robust. Webster’s tells us this means vigorous. Sturdy. Exhibiting strength.

Not words I would have immediately associated with a relegated outfit of chancers soon to be stripped of their best players whilst staring down the barrel of a stadium they are never going to fill unless they replace their entire back four with Take That. And this from within the quicksand like depths of the Championship.

Lord Sugar called it right. They are indeed blowing more than bleedin’ bubbles now. And even sooner than even the most sceptical of us might have imagined.

In a ‘Club Statement’ West Ham say,

“We are so confident in the probity of our actions that we will take the strongest action possible against any suggestion of wrongdoing on the part of West Ham United or its officers, as well as involve the police and the data protection registrar in regard to the accessing of private information by illegal means.”

That sounds quite bullish; like they may just be onto something. But then if you let a few facts get in the way, let a few pivotal pieces of information through all the bluster you get a very different picture.

A soon to be relegated football club, that cannot sell out in it’s existing ground, up to it’s crotchless frillies in debt, manages to convince their local council in a time of austerity to rustle up £40million in used notes and back their application to become tenants of an Olympic Stadium.

Then it transpires that the West Ham Bidding Director is shacked up with the Corporate Director of the Olympic Park Legacy Company.

This only turns out to be half the tale. The missing piece of this puzzle which incidentally a chimpanzee with a saucepan stuck on it’s head could solve is that this Corporate Director at the Olympic Park Legacy Company, who’s shacked up with the West Ham Bidding Director turns out to have been on the payroll of West Ham as a consultant, wait for it… in relation to West Ham’s bid for the Olympic Stadium.

If that’s robust, then everyone one Facebook actually knows every single one of their friends. It’s not been in the public interest to disclose this information I’ll eat my hat.

The funniest element (aside from the West Ham statement in full, which is available in HERE) is that West Ham suing The Sunday Times has to  raise the question in Rupert Murdoch’s mind, ‘How happy am I signing cheques in favour of a person who works for an organization that’s taking a legal action against me?’ Karren #facelikeakickedinfridge will probably decry getting binned by Rupe as a sexist outrage.

BIOYC!