ITK

And good afternoon.

I don’t know if this is going to be a plea, or ‘a right telling off my friend,’ to quote Don Logan. But this window has spawned some absolute ‘ITK’ chancers. And that’s coming from me!

I like ITK, the very notion of it is completely appealing. Against a backdrop of indifferent official websites;  something overheard in a curry house, a nod and wink to some bod who drops off the laundry or the loose chat of a junior player to a mate it’s all quite irressistable.

The very nature of ITK of course means it won’t all pan out. Why not? Because it involves humans. Humans have contributed many things to this planet, but amongst the first things after carbon monoxide and funny coloured poo probably has to come human error.

That and people change their minds. I’ve a magnificent dinner lined up tonight. But I might suddenly, on whim go bonkers and decide to get a takeaway. People change their minds. Anyone heard of a little thing called, ‘divorce’?

So peace be upon me that I don’t have the ache when ITK fails to come to fruition. What does get my goat are the freeloaders and attention seekers. By freeloaders I specifically mean the despicable parasites that quite stealthily hitch their made up pony to the ITK star.

‘Robbie Keane is weighing is up his options,’ ‘Bentley is of interest to two or three clubs but nothing concrete in place as yet.’ ‘The relationship between Harry & Levy is tense. Harry wants to buy but Levy is saying we have to sell first.’ ‘The player wants to come, is happy with the wages offered but his club are making crazy demands.’

This sort of guff might just might possibly be ITK, but it’s so bloody ambiguous it’s not worth repeating in any form to anyone.

If my phone rang now and it was Daniel Levy himself saying, ‘Harry, you might tell your readers that we are striving day and night to solve our striker problem.’ My response would be short, ‘You tell ’em.’ That isn’t information worth sharing.

Then we have the attention seeking children. There is no excuse that stands up to scrutiny by an adult that condones a supposed ITK passing on their tale in cryptic form. None whatsoever. ‘If I speak directly, I may inadvertently reveal my source!’

No.  Here’s a tip my old son – Keep your mouth shut. And then your source is golden.What possible protection is a source offered by building in a delay mechanism? You are lying.

Talking in tongues is patronising …but moreover it’s dishonest. Anyone remember 321 with Ted Rogers?

‘You need me to put out the trash, I’m gray and dirty. If you want a big prize, get rid of me early.’

The stooge couple dump this ‘prize’ faster than Ted can order a litre of hair dye and a crate of  Ellenet.

“You need me’. It was actually spelled ‘knead’ so what do you knead? That’s right, dough. ‘I’m gray and dirty’ was rhyming slang for thirty. That’s right, if you won £30,000 pounds on a game show you’d go on a spending spree straight away and you’ve just rejected £30,000 in crisp unused notes!”

So we get every imaginable piece of junk from these clowns. Phil Collins lyrics, numerolgy, the names of kids TV shows. It’s all cobblers and if they do score they deserve zero credit. Adults don’t communicate like this. Do you go into the cinema and when you ask the bloke what’s on tonight expect to get, ‘My first is in Inception, but not in Die Hard 2, my second is…’ an adult in real life would be hospitalized for behaving like this.

So a right telling off it was.

BIOYC!