The game wot many of us watched turned upon the substitutions at half time. Here then are my thoughts wot I had whilst enduring this televisual feast.
Mind how you go.
Gomes 6 Looks decidedly less gormless sans gum shield. It’s all about perception.
Charlie 4 Those Lighter Life diet plan thingymajiggs actually work then. Triffic.
Dawson 5 I blame Bassong for his jitters.
Bassong 3 A jitter generator.
A&E 9 Top Charlie Banana Dalai Lama.
J**** 0 Looks the part, talks the part. Not so good with a football.
Peanut 0 Scientists have made a footballer out of balsa wood.
Krankie 6 Never seen a player look so sad.
Modders 6 Proof that real people cheer players. I’d ban season tickets.
Azza Blud 5 Lively in places, shameful dive for the peno.
Dances With Scones 4 Some textbook cheap fouls. Little else.
Bale 7 Quite simply broke them in two.
Pav 5 He needed to be triple jointed to get to his dismal ‘passes.’
3MP 5.5 Like Llorente. But with a goal and teeth transplanted from a horse.
Defoe 5 Hot to trot. No argument here.
And yes I left some out. It would be nuts pass comment on cameos that didn’t rock the Kasbah.