Player Ratings: The Don’t You Wish Your Left Back Was A&E Edition

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Evenin’ all.

The game wot many of us watched turned upon the substitutions at half time. Here then are my thoughts wot I had whilst enduring this televisual feast.

Mind how you go.

Gomes  6 Looks decidedly less gormless sans gum shield. It’s all about perception.

Charlie 4  Those Lighter Life diet plan thingymajiggs actually work then. Triffic.

Dawson 5 I blame Bassong for his jitters.

Bassong 3 A jitter generator.

A&E 9 Top Charlie Banana Dalai Lama.

J**** 0 Looks the part, talks the part. Not so good with a football.

Peanut 0 Scientists have made a footballer out of balsa wood.

Krankie 6 Never seen a player look so sad. 

Modders 6 Proof that real people cheer players. I’d ban season tickets.

Azza Blud 5 Lively in places, shameful dive for the peno.

Dances With Scones 4 Some textbook cheap fouls. Little else.

Bale 7 Quite simply broke them in two.

Pav 5 He needed to be triple jointed to get to his dismal ‘passes.’

3MP 5.5 Like Llorente.  But with a goal and teeth transplanted from a horse.

Defoe 5 Hot to trot. No argument here.

And yes I left some out. It would be nuts pass comment on cameos that didn’t rock the Kasbah.

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