Date: 30th August 2011 at 9:04am
Written by:

Good morning and welcome aboard the good ship Venus.

Having gone rummaging through all the usual and indeed unusual cyber dustbins here in just one URL is where transfer wise, we is at.

Talk of to Stoke or even jack-knifed courtesy of  Redschnapp himself. Arry told us after the City fiasco that Pete had come to him all doe eyed wanting to know if the paper talk was true. If a striker as unproductive as he had an ounce of self respect in him, instead of bleating over gossip columns he’d have been more useful cold calling Clubs to ask about vacancies.

David Betley’s name was being mentioned in Blackburn circles, but even the chicken fetus magnates are happier to look at elsewhere, or more accurately, anywhere else. So that’s another one who’s hoovering up salary and contributing zip.

And this is the case with all the two other Family Favourites, and *****. ***** isn’t for sale. I’ll qualify that. He is, but he’s not on the ONO shelf with . He can’t be. As all these little half tales of transfers filter out, *****’ name is never mentioned.

wants to stay I’ve been told. He was sick of not getting a game and with the World’s Greatest Footballer™ Peanut injured, Arry has snatched at the chance to put him in the shop window.

And so for those self harmers still concious, but dripping profusely into the Axminster …it’s the incoming news!

Scott Parker is en route. Joe Cole is on his way like a Bat Out Of Hell – or at least a Mong Of Merseyside.

Scott Parker we know about. It’s the spirit of that courses through his veins. Get ups in the morning, full English, off to the barbers, picks up some flowers for his dear old mum from Buster Edwards’ old stall and straight in for double training. Then home via Manze’s for a slap up.

Joe Cole is a mystery. Not mysterious like how the hell did the Mormon Church ever take off? Mysterious as in how come Arry thinks he’s going to play him when and Kneny Dalglish have both emphatically tossed him onto the ‘not even in the event of an emergency’ pile? Maybe that’s it, maybe should knock this football lark on the head and say he’s found ‘some plates’ in his garden.

Diarra is done. Done and dusted. Well the collective wisdom of every ITK can’t be wrong, can it? Yean I know the player has said there is no deal, but what would he know about it? Has he got an ITK badge and hundreds of slavering ten year olds hanging on his every word? No he does not. Case closed. It’s done.

And now Owen Hargreaves’ name has been thrown into the mixer. I can only image this is related to a recent injunction taken out by Michael Owen against to ensure he isn’t embarrassed by having his name linked with us at 1145pm on Wednesday …again.

Another name tagged on in the last few days is that of Gary Cahill. He’s good stuff, but if we get pipped by the reluctant spender Aunty Wenger then someone at WHL wants to have a serious look at themselves.

Now if you’ll excuse me I must attend to the riggin’.