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Exclusive Snap Explaining Why Pav Was Pants

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Still on for the treble then.

Good morning born again wireless enthusiasts. I trust you all rounded off your evening’s aural entertainment with a warming cup of Ovaltine and a fistful of mogadons.

In fairness to the radio johnnies they captured the mood perfectly .Their minds wandered towards anything that was more interesting than the game. The fact that the hot water boiler at the Brittania was kaput so no tea (how they yearned for milk and two shugs) and the early departure of gentleman sporting an comb over to rival that of George Roper’s.

So only 1500 odd Tottingham fans saw it. You happy few. A few reports have trickled in and they all match the misery we imagined when listening. The reality that a noble few are determined to gloss over is the fact that playing second string players makes for third rate viewing and in this case …abject failure.

It’s just not the Tottingham way. Just like grinding out 1-0’s aren’t either. I predicted 0-0 and did so with a heavy heart. Bloody Stoke ferchrissakes. But no, I am told it is good for us to give the yoofsters out.

Cod liver oil is good for you too and as it is equally grim on the palate the overwhelming majority folk avoid it like the plague.

I have to ponder where we could end up if we extend the logic on all this. ‘It’s only the Europa, it’s only the Carling, it’s just the FA Cup’… Having an old fashioned football is going out of fashion. Players want ¬£200k a week and then are goaded at gunpoint away from their mansions; away from scantiliy clad hypnotizing hookers writhing on water beds with jelly beans nestled in their belly buttons, past ¬†fleets of exotic cars in order they ‘run about a bit’ …in a TV studio.

Eventually football matches will be decided . Presented by soulless lady-boys like Georgie Thompson and Ben Shepherd eyes glazed will host a game not dissimilar to Top Trumps. Maybe a quick fire question round.

‘Wayne, who was …Sir Matt Busby?!’

*silence the he grins awkwardly some dribble appears at the corner of his mouth* ‘Could do with a fag… errrr was him what did them adverts for the telephone in the 70’s?’

The camera cuts to Alan Hansen, ‘Noo, THAT’S shocking!’ *canned laughter*

Categories will include Boot Sponsor Value, Japanese Incontinence Towel Advert Revenues and Bodily Organ Upgrade Points reflecting that players have so much cash that they now opt to install better organs to enhance their game. You know, like those old computer driving games where you won cash on each race and could then upgrade your wheels or your suspension.

And so the Carling door shuts and what have we learned? Well, all those who are glad we are no longer in the competition have taken another step closer to a Top Trump Footy utopia.


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106 comments

  • Deano says:

    There for us to win. Its so early in the season that we shouldnt need to be playing kids yet.
    Pav has once again proved himself not good enough for us along with GDS.
    Calls for their inclusion in the first team should end here.

    • Anthony In That Number says:

      Agreed . Neither perform when given opportunities.
      We might as well give Harry Kane and John Bostock more game time

  • Gary Harlow says:

    On the plus side, we must now have the record for the worst penalty shoot-out club in history?

    Where’s John Bostock?

    • DAVSPURS says:

      Playing against Brentford in a 2-1 defeat too get Gallas fit and yong Coulibaly played he should have bean at Stoke.

  • duds says:

    We played OK to be honest – Clearly with one of our top strikers and wingers starting i think we would have won but if the truth be told there are some positives to come form this.

    1) another clean sheet despite gomes doing everything he possibly could to wreck it.
    2) Our kids are looking more assured everytime they go out to play ESPECIALLY Tom Carroll.
    3) Sandro and VDV got a run around in semi competitive match – great for their fitness
    4) Kaboul looks amazing.

    I hate losing but we didnt shame ourselves. Looks like we actually have a squad coming along nicely……anyone remember last years defeat to arsenal?

  • SpursDan says:

    Agree completely.

    How many chances does GDS want? He just takes the piss out of us by not giving a damn every time he goes on the pitch.

    Pav’s in a moronic world of his own… How did he manage to score that many goals last season???

    Get rid of both arseholes asap (and wack Pav if he ever kisses the badge again!)

    • Enorme Nuez says:

      In Football manager it is easy to sell players, but in the real world it takes time.

      I not going to defend Pav, but he hasn’t consistently played this season. Again the norm is for Redknapp to play his favourites in matches that matter and then put out a team of youth players for those games he deems non-essential. Pav deserves a run out in the first team. Defoe was pants last season, as was Crouch but they paid even when they sucked. Crouch played up until he left. He was crap last night, and now people are rightfully commentating on that. Yet Pav gets no chance, and when he doesn’t perform to a standard many think he should, he is slated.

      For his own sanity he needs to leave. Redknapp will always overlook him, play those unworthy. look at what happened to Kranjcar last season. I honestly wish Levy places a gag order on Redknapp, because every time he talks to the press it is always to moan or point out someones short-comings. How about getting new coaches or new medical personnel? Kevin Bond? He was an average player, an below average manager, and yet he is an assistant. Why? What can he really offer of value that the players can learn from?

      • The V says:

        But.. crouch is a better footballer than pav. Crouch gives the side more than pav. So it isn’t that harry has favourites as if they are teachers pets, he chooses crouch over pav because pav is shite. He chooses Defoe over pav, why? Yes you are getting the hang of it now.. Because pav is shite.

        Personally I love pav.. but he is shite.

        I love Gomez too. But yes he is shite.

        • rich says:

          Depends on what you call a chance as from where I stand he has yet to be given one. To me a chance is a run of games in your preferred position in a team mainly comprised of first team players. Gio is yet to start 2 consecutive games under Harry and therefore hasn’t been given a chance. He actually played quite well yesterday in his usual out of position place out wide.

          Pav should never play for spurs again he is so lazy and useless he has had plenty of chances not just 10 mins here and there on the wing. All he does is lose the ball either by failing to control it, failing to challenge or run for it or by shooting from 35yds when there are about 3 or 4 better options. Utter $hite.

  • Me Again says:

    And up steps Peter Crouch. I expected him to tap it tamely at Gomes – surely Pav has borrowed those pair of flappers from the great flapper himself?

    I genuinely felt that was a wasted 2 and a half hours of my life. The family huddled around the hissing crackling valve radio with our cups of ovaltine.

    And who was the tosser with Bradley Allen, who was only a fraction better himself? At least I now know a little more about the outer lying metropolis that is Stoke.

    Oh happy days.

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