Date: 6th July 2012 at 11:34am
Written by:

Good afternoon.

So today’s the day that a new breed of dastardly, ghostly and stealthy itks turn up to casually say, ‘As I told you on Monday, Jan Vertonghen has signed!.’ The response to this is …eh? Who is this guy? I didn’t even I know I was following/you were on this forum?!

Has he signed? Who the hell knows. All that is certain is that the collective groan from Spurs fans nearing exhaustion will be audible globally if the player makes another, ‘I dunno what’s happening interview.’

Roger ‘Daily Mail’ Morgan of Spurs Odious says that we’re asking £4.5M for Peanut. I don’t have any ethics and I sold my last moral for 50p to a blind beggar, but even I don’t think that this whole deal was right. 

Peanut didn’t want to play for us, we didn’t have a spot for him and the only people that would be remotely interested in having him other than us were the mob that we bought him from. I hear the financial advisers among you telling me that this was a, ‘neat bit of business from Levy & Co.,’ but I just don’t buy it.

If our previous manager is ever pulled up for anything more than a faulty brake light or a jammed electric window my money’s on this being looked at.

Zeki Fryers is another name in the frame. 

He sounds like he’s either a Greek fish & chip shop or this week’s new Joe Satriani. Either way, anyone that has ‘infuriated’ Slur Alex and bailed on the Red Devil machine is good by me. The fee has apparently gone to an independent tribunal. Providing competition for Benny can only a positive thing. 

Modric? Every day or two some bright spark ‘announces’ that Real Madrid have in somehow enhanced their offer. Cash. Cash plus player. An upped cash deal. The truth of the matter – or so I am led to believe – is that an offer came in some time back for the boy with the chicken badge allergy – and due to various factors not to mention the SOB is still under contract, we have yet to let them know.

As you were.