Definitive Analysis & Player Ratings

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Good Afternoon.

The first game, the first defeat and if you listen to some; the first of many. Under our last manager who I developed a seething contempt for, I was accused of everything from not supporting the team to starting the King’s Cross fire. Now I’m genuinely finding positives it’s being suggested I be sectioned under the Mental Health Act.

Tactically we were superior. Individually we were lacking. The Bar Codes played as if they were the away team for much of the game. The only real giveaway were the referee and his assistants cowed by a very noisy Geordie audience. If Bale is to play more centrally then he has to show some wit and know when to move out wide. Their right back took a yellow and ought to have been pressed. He wasn’t. Instead we too frequently found ourselves involved in some class of medieval battle reenactment.

Newcastle won their first corner on the 45th minute. Newcastle shot twice and scored twice. These two statements give an immediate and interesting reflection upon how the game went.

Brad He’s a damn good goalkeeper but yesterday he looked past his sell by date both in terms of agility and mindset. We need a keeper who can get off his line and sweep. We need a modern thinking man who understands that hoofing the damn thing blindly up field turns possession into a 50/50 ball.

Kyle has improved his offensive game enormously. The Forest Gump runs seem to be a thing of the past and he is winning corners and throw ins. Defensively I still get the feeling he’s going through the motions; he doesn’t think of himself primarily a defender.

Gallas No I don’t know what the deal with Vertonghen was, but Gallas for the main part looked the business. He also looked about 53.

Kaboul went about his business as he always does when he has a decent game. He was understated and effective.

Benny needs a kick up the bottom. We’ve enough on our plate without him drifting off into some LOL’d out daydream. Mr Sloppy lives next door Benny. You won’t get away with the ‘dizzy’ stuff under Villas-Boas. Or me…

Jake worries me. I like his bravery and I warm to his no nonsense style. But if he was your evening meal, he’d be a TV dinner. He needs to distinguish himself before he wakes up one day and discovers he’s become the next J****. He could be really useful, but as yet, he actually isn’t.

Sandro had what at best could be called a ‘so what’ type performance. Not nice to say, but accurate. Olympics? An unfamiliar gum shield? Who knows or cares? What is essential is that with Scotty out for another month or whatever, he gets back into the groove as soon as.

Azza’s attitude seems to have improved. I don’t know what it is but he seems to have a bit more pep about him. Early early doors, but it would be great if he had a memorable season at long last. That said he didn’t exactly tear Toon in two, but certainly heading in the right direction. More please.

Gylfi took some quality corners and if we can get use to the ball actually being fired in like this then we really ought to see some goals from these. Otherwise he didn’t quite see enough of the ball. He really didn’t. Was he wasteful? Same old same old, isn’t it? If they go in you’re carried off at shoulder height and go home with the Prom Queen. They don’t and nobody remembers your name.

Bale didn’t really get it on and he seriously needs to watch that the Ronaldo impressions don’t solely focus on writhing in agony, checking for non existent blood etc. As above, he needs to get a handle upon when the part or the pitch he’s in becomes too busy for him to operate effectively and he needs to move.

Defoe, despite all his inherent limitations gave us a good game. He doesn’t do much other than turn and shoot but I swear I caught him tracking back on at least two occasions. Took his goal and the cruelty of only being level for a couple of minutes was unbearable.

Van der Vaart he was a breath of fresh air when he came on. Hungry for the ball, tenacious and intelligent. When he gave the penalty away it was like watching the back end of pantomime horse fall over whilst soiling itself.

Villas-Boas. You could hear him imploring from the technical area, ‘go, go, go!’ He’s really suffering from a depleted squad and the resultant depleted options. Yes we need a striker, but more importantly we need a better plan in the middle than Jake. I’m not using him as a whipping boy here, rather highlighting he’s a supporting actor, not a leading man. We missed Modric
and Modric would have arguably allowed Gylfi and Bale to fly a little further than they did.

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  • MarseilleYid says:

    Good summary, HH. Looking at the upcoming fixtures, I can see a run of four straight wins coming up.

    • Habib says:

      What I find absolutely hilarious is that every blog and travelling fan recaps and fansite is saying “Bad luck but brilliant tactics.” The improvement despite missing three top calibre players form last year is clear.

      Yet Redschnapp’s pals in the media are unanimously being stoic on this glaring obvious fact. That c*** is gonna shadow us via proxy for many a seasons.

    • Hhitkmyarse says:

      Hh you must get a monkey a month off the club with the way levy’s going and your backing, the last 5 transfer windows we’ve got in £56m from transfers ( crouch palacios,o’hara,pav,etc……..hell we even got money from bents sell on clause) and spent £41m add the champions league money the £20 a season we generate (your own words) that’s approx £90m ,why the hell do we have to sell Gail Tisley before we buy…..??????? ,by the way the last time we bought a player over £10m was pav and Bentley and in that time he’s wrapped his Porsche round a lamp post (drunk)’ been on loan to Birmingham , west ham & had a long term injury what now china you’re itk …. And by the way putting a bid in for £30m for Rossi,aguero,soldado…etc , just makes me rub my chin and think of jimmy hill, don’t worry though I’ve bought 5 new kits for the sauce bin lids and my season tickets gone up twice, do me a favour put the wonga you get on us to finish 3rd, we’ll make filthy lucre (or is it luka)

      • Harry Hotspur says:

        :lol: Good stuff.

        I’m just organising the Chairman’s sock drawer at the moment but did enjoy that :daumen:

      • Habib says:

        That extra money was evenly divided half amongst the gross salary wage increases (now amounting to 60% of our annual revenue and operational expenses like training ground, short term debt interest payments, paying people who cost us Ch League like Redknapp his last year’s salary etc etc etc.

        • Hhitkmyarse says:

          So what your basically saying is we will never have any money for future player purchases, cos that gross salary wage increase isn’t going to come down and the operational expenses is only going to go up (change training ground to new Stadium) as for redknapp costing us ch league , is he not the only manager to get us in there etc etc etc

      • Spurstacus says:

        No wonder the kits for sauce bin lids are so expensive with the club only bringing 20 pounds a season.

      • nobby nobbs says:

        Its not Harry Worth up there for nothing.

  • Wowsers says:

    Good last para.
    We needed a playmaker, Simples

    Hold on, dont we have a playmaker called Thud?

    • Hotspur125 says:


    • nicktheyid says:

      got to agree.the game was crying out for a “quarterback” type of player and for my money tom is the only real one we have,j***s on the bench and tom and daws not in the squad?? what have we let ourselves in for

    • Hot_Spur says:

      Come on guys for Christ sake, playmaker called thud? He is nowhere near the class of Modric, that’s like comparing a Rolls Royce with a broken down mini. Thud played in two pre season games and played poorly, I guess that’s why he wasn’t selected yesterday. We need a like for like replacement for Modric, if we don’t get one we can forget top 4 place.

  • FreundsArbeitArmy says:

    Spot on ratings. Now boys, spend the big bucks and ship in the sexy beast that is Llorente :daumen:

  • tufty says:

    Seemed that a lot of the passes where actually controlled, almost as if… they trained to be better in that sphere.. of retention… less sloppy

  • Cecil Gaybody says:

    We had no creation in midfield, Thud should have played but is not in Modrics class.
    Lennon was OK but I would rather have someone
    more consistent, speed merchants with little ball
    control have had their day , look at Spain.
    Tight fisted Levy should go and get owners
    who will invest in our team .

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