Here are this week’s football matches and my hair-brained hunches on how they might pan out.
The Porn Baron XI got off to a flyer last weekend thrashing Aston Villa to within an inch of their lives, 1-0. Tomorrow they travel to last week’s coupon busters Swansea City. Five goals they put past Mark Hughes’ mob. Five. If Swansea are capable of replicating even some of their home form from last season I can see the Ammers getting walloped. Prediction? 3-1.
Aston Villa vs Everton
Villa should be served a winding up order by the FA for services against football. Everton though were super entertaining against Manchester United and that Fellaini chap looked brand new. Can they recapture the magic of the moment? The only thing you want to be focused on capturing in Birmingham of a Saturday afternoon is a train, plane or automobile heading south. Prediction? 0-2.
Manchester United vs Fulham
This could be a very interesting games. For all the ‘Yanited always take time to get going’ spiel, they looked pretty clueless against Everton. Shrek looked heavy and they generally looked a bit sluggish. Fulham however kicked their season off by tonking Norwich. Now Yanited away can’t be confused for Norwich indoors, but Fulham have something in common with Everton and this will give them more than half a chance. They are organised and are playing as a team. Prediction? 2-2.
Cheatski vs Newcastle
The Blue Racists are already six points to the good and it’s ambitious to suggest this won’t become nine by the time the street lights start flickering on Saturday night. Newcastle may well have broken our hearts last week but where we were lacking Chelsea have strength in number. Prediction? 4-1.
Stoke vs Arsenal
All the hoohah and fussing over the Van Persie exit isn’t the important issue for Arsenal. It’s what they can achieve with the £40m they’ve spent on new boys. That said Cazorla had lots of people cooing. But the draw against dull as ditch-water Sunderland wasn’t what old Arsene would have expected let alone wanted. I say that Stoke, Premier League’s leading anti-football gang will vexate The Professor further. Prediction? 3-2.
Ooh my days. I genuinely believe this could get nasty. Not uncomfortable, not ‘a bit strong’ I mean full on ‘those of a nervous disposition please look away now’ nasty. I don’t believe Brendan Rodgers is ‘all that’, just as I never bought into the laughable idea that Roberto Martinez was ‘all that’. Liverpool were humiliated by West Brom and only by the skin of their teeth did they avoid a similar fiasco over the border. Prediction: 1-4 and it wasn’t their fault.