Our Cup Runneth Under

Good afternoon fat fighters.

Looking around at what other people achieved in their preseason friendlies it’s difficult to make a solid case for the end of the world being nigh. Looking at our lot fanny about for an hour and a half yesterday it’s easy to make a case for bellowing, ‘Sell the lot of ’em!’ at your telly box.

It was unedifying stuff. I’m a Pav fan and whilst he was really poor he was actually more interesting than Just For Men’s new poster boy PSB and the boy Defoe combined.

Krankie had some moves but that was largely about it. The game was a pedestrian affair despite the locals largely going bonkers from start to finish. My eye was particularly caught by a gentleman in the crowd sporting one tooth and a bible opened in the palm of his hand as their goal went in. Perhaps we should get him to look at the NDP for us.

What else can I tell you? the Kaiser Chiefs were a pretty insane bunch but they were as keen as custard. By contrast we looked every inch that if we’d been played someone good we’d have been not just been beaten but humiliated.

The crux of the problem (and you’ll be relieved to hear I’m not going to spend the rest of my life dwelling upon this game) was our midfield. J**** has been accused of being invisible. Well this was a masterclass. It wasn’t just the South African Broadcasting Company’s abysmal telescopic coverage that made him near impossible to identify.

We missed Modders, Wilson and Sandro any one of which would have ordinarily usurped him in the picking order.

It was only a friendly. Nothing to get our knickers in a twist about. But if you were weighing up the pros and cons of joining THFC’s playing staff you wouldn’t be swung by this if it was featured in the brochure.

Apologists will talk about ‘regaining fitness levels’ and ‘adjusting the climate’ but it was tepid on the whole and I’d rather they wore someone else’s shirt if they want to serve this fare up in future.

All in all we lacked charm.

BIOYC!