Articulate Analysis Rollicking Ratings

Good morning ladies.

After that load of old cockerels I could do with some good news. You know, like  hearing Levy & Co. have agreed a compensation figure with the FA and the cheque is in the post. 

I wonder if old Arry actually knows what managing Engerland would actually be like?

“They’ve got to be more patient. They get carried away with the crowd at times and started playing from back to front to quick.

We’re a footballing team that plays and people have got to be patient. They can’t worry about the crowd being inpatient because we had lots of passes.”

England fans are unlike club supporters. The flag waving and endless honks of The Italian Job theme tune belie a ruthless need for the constant beating of Johnny Foreigner. Their support is Faustian. A Liverpool supporter will cheer Wayne Rooney but only if England are winning. That’s the deal right there and that’s why the the last half dozen or so incumbents of the Engerland hot seat are still in receipt of psychiatric care.

But Arry lives in dream world. In his head it’s the swinging sixties; Bobby Moore is still on the telly ordering a cheeky half Watney’s Red Barrel and Sandra’s doing liver and onions after she’s run an iron over his Fifty Shilling Tailor suit. ‘Come on England! Come On England!’ The man’s a fool.

Look at Sunderland. A veritable, ‘Underachievers R Us’ under poor and old but lovable Steve Bruce. A gang of second string players and journeymen. Yet under the auspices of Martin O’Neil they moved up the table like a ferret up a particularly enticing trouser leg.

Have Spurs achieved all that they have under Arry despite him? I wish it were that simple. There’s your headline, ‘Harry’s A Conman!’ and goodnight Gracie. But he’s not. He is as I have maintained since he arrived, an excellent crisis manager. Cynics and wannabe stand up comedians might argue that this is true as he normally manages to leave clubs in a state of crisis, boom boom.

He started off brilliantly. No two ways about it. But you’ve got to be less open minded than your average extreme Muslim cleric if you haven’t noticed we’ve gone right off the boil. Arsenal  are having one of their worst seasons in years and they’ve just overtaken us in the league. Not because they are on fire, but because we’re falling apart at the seams.

I’d be happy for him to stay (which is incredibly gracious of me) but only if he’s prepared to demonstrate an interest in managing the team. Since his, ‘Not Guilty’ his only contribution to THFC has been to irritate everyone by failing to remotely coach the side, make an endless stream of ‘fascinating’ comments about the England job and snatch at any opportunity to deflect blame from himself. 

 6.828 Hornby have announced this morning that the prototype of the track trialed on Brad will not be released for general sale as simply going up and down one line won’t be popular.

 7.010 Had some quality moments. I wish Bale took over more once he hits the halfway line and I wish defensively he gave players less time and space.

 7. 111 A nice game. Love him going forward and I hear the attempted manslaughter charges have been dropped by the Stoke bloke he hit with the ball.

 0.003 He survived an assassination attempt earlier in the week.  Apparently the bullet went though his head narrowly missing his brain by 3 feet. 

 4.321 At this rate he couldn’t win the Egg & Spoon race in the under 9’s category. I’d love him to be rested for a few weeks and treated with some respect.

 6.578 Someone was going to get the bullet to accommodate the it Midget Gem and it was Krankie. I thought he did alright, but the right wing is no place for him.

 7.122 Some insightful passing and some Championship stuff mixed in for good measure. I bet he was being coached right a guy like him could learn to take corners.

 7.121 He’s being run into the ground every game and by the time the second half arrives he’s done in. Another one that needs managing to give him focus.

 7.008 What goes on in that boy’s head? That cross to vdV was breathtaking. He made one or two others from the left that were borderline breathtaking. His play everywhere else was, ‘okay’. 

  6.007 A prime example of what happens to players who fall out with Arry. I wonder how good Gomes is these days, or Bentley is worth playing? Sorry I forgot, we must not question the master.

 7.009 Coaching again. His corners were improved a little , but it’s unacceptable that a player at this level skying most of his dead balls into row K.

 4.000 Looked bright for the first 15 minutes. Our glorious leader then waited how long before taking him off? 

 3.000 When he scores in a moment of individual brilliance I sing his name like I’m offering up a prayer. If he doesn’t score in a moment of individual brilliance I want to kill him.