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Occluded Uvula : Surgeons Racing To Save Arry

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News breaking this morning that a team of highly trained chimpanzee monkees from London Zoo have been dispatched to a private address in Sandbanks, Dorset in an attempt to save a man that experts have described as, ‘clinically stupid’.

The chimps are dressed in medical outfits and are said to be experts at larking about, pulling crazy faces, making refreshing cups of tea and moving pianos.

Spurs supremo Arry Redshnapps was thought to be in good shape mentally, but a series of ridiculous media incidents have acted as a catalyst to events and now every second counts if Spurs are to retain any dignity at all this season.

After losing at home to Norwich City, Mr Redshnapps admitted to hearing voices in his head. Voices that were telling him to play 442 and who’s instruction he says …he dutifully obeyed.

Buoyed by his initial runaway success at Spurs, Arry’s occasional, gentle and pleasing manner with the press has became a full blown exercise in media whoring. Am I exaggerating? Take a peak at the front cover of the latest 442 Magazine.

The latest quote is as dynamite dumb as his revelation that he could have signed Luis Suarez is yet more proof he’s just a girl that can’t say ‘no comment’.

“We could have had Sessegnon at one time I think, the people who work for me weren’t really convinced at the time…”

Are these the same people in his head, or completely separate set of people who operate outside of his coconut? This is becoming complicated to keep up with now.

Let’s hope the Chimps can successfully prize his foot out of his mouth before the semi final on Sunday or who knows what the next piece of garbage to spill from his almighty gob might be…

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40 comments

  • Kash says:

    Could it be ?? Am I first ??

  • Ric says:

    wish those voices would tell him to **** off

  • AmdamSpur says:

    I knew all that fist-pumping and jumping around against Newcastle was some sort of neuratic malfunction. He needs weekly medical treatments like Mr Burns just to keep him schtum. Question is, who would be Smithers??

  • johnhalloween says:

    Chelsea might just beat barcelona is the latest soundbyte from trout chops. Typical arry, talk up the opposition prior to a game to take the heat of him if we lose. The game is already lost to him. Must do team confidence a great service. Well done redknapp.

    • LosLorenzo says:

      I actually had no problem with that particular bout of verbal diarrhea. Classic bit of mind games รก la Suralix, with twofold intent:

      1) Hopefully instill a touch of overconfidence in the Cheatski squad.
      2) Remind the same players that they have a more important (financially at least) game just a few days after the FACUP semi.

      That is not to defend all the other drivel he has served up of late, which has been spasm-inducingly unneccessary. Fair’s fair, though, and I don’t think too much criticism of that particular utterance is warranted.

      • UnkleKev says:

        ‘Arry could simply say he’d quite like chips for tea and half this lot would be on his back insisting a baked potato would be the better option.

  • Anthony In That Number says:

    The two chimps are triffic players, we could well sign them in the next transfer window. They are called Jekyll and Hyde so are perfect for WHL and will fit in perfect. We were also closely monitoring two others called Sublime and Ridiculous but they were too young and were not available on a free transfer.

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