Arsenal Release North London Derby DVD

This luxuriously boxed commemorative DVD comes to you, the discerning Arsenal collector in order that it might grace your home and serve as an aide memoir of one of the finest first halves to ever be witnessed in the majestic and noble setting what is Les Emptycrates stadium.

Loving restored Arsenalization images are for the very first time made available to be relived again and again right up until the 45th minute.

Each magnificent cinematic sensation arrives direct to your door and in less time it takes you to say, ‘Bugger moi j’ai renversé de l’eau partout dans mon costume demob.’ You’ll be carried away by the hypnotic propagandist tones of Andy Gray.

Send no money now. Once you agree to just six monthly installments of £19.99 (+ P&P) this fabulous 45 minutes – one of the bitterest footballing pills that the mighty Tottinghams have ever had to swallow  – can be dispatched direct to your door.

And to thank you for you early interest in this magnificent visual feast we are offering the first two collectors a lock of Alan Smith’s pubic hair, hand trimmed and encased in an Arsenal crested, velvetine pouch.