The New Stadium Fiasco

This whole ‘Naming Rights Available/Stratford’ business has become a mess.

As I understand it, the Primark Massive have had their dream to be the Bingo club with the biggest premises in the Championship potentially gazumped by Levy & Co.

Spurs started off with airbrushed images of a brave new world. Boulevards scattered with happy smiling Client Reference numbers, a village of 21st century consumer contentment with searchlights beaming a feel good factor into the heavens. Not a Rasta having a purple can of Tenants for breakfast to be seen for miles.

So that was then, this is now. Let’s examine the bids.

West Ham’s bid comes cleverly packaged. The way they operate their football club, as is their bid.

Fundamentally skint, they are using the prospective sale value of their current luxury cowshed in conjunction with anticipated future revenue streams, foremost of course being gate, broadcasting and merchandising, crotchless panties and five lighters for a pound monies to achieve the required funding figure. This will be fronted by Newham Council.

Their financials are largely in guesstimate territory. In an attempt to distract from this potential danger area, Karen Brady is making much of the ‘Olympic Legacy’ element. This is quite cunning of the Pikeys and they are only to be applauded for latching on to it.

Athletics is a rum gig. Regarded by all and sundry as an essentially ‘good thing’ , forever wrapped up in some romantic notion of good old fashioned exercise, character building, team spirit and all that jazz. The reality of course is that interest has been on the wane for some time as the age of Playstations has all but killed youngsters kicking a ball against a wall, let alone going for a jolly good run to get some refreshing fresh air or practicing the shot put like some 1950’s comic book character.

But crucially, West Ham’s willingness to embrace the ‘Legacy’ will give them by default the support of UK Athletics, Lord Coe, The Lord Mayor of London and a whole barrel load of middle class hoo-ray Henrys who only attend stuff that befits their world, opposed to the real one.

The Tottenham bid is as you might imagine commercially solid. Not backed by a local Council but by 02 Arena operators and entertainment giants AEG. The ‘Legacy’ element from the Hotspurs will be billed by those who like the West Ham bid as, ‘an afterthought’.

The idea is to rip the existing stadium apart, specifically binning the idea of a running track. Good news for watching footy. A real deal breaker for those wanting to have a pop at the 800 metres. This ‘callous’ attitude is tempered with a strategy to contribute to an alternative athletics to be arranged, ‘elsewhere’. Of course it isn’t callous. It’s realistic.

So what went wrong with the Haringay deal? At this moment in time their about fifty million reasons to discourage Spurs staying local. All with the Queen’s head on. The threat of Tottingham walking has prompted Haringay council to revisit their compulsory purchase orders to see if they can be wooed into staying.

The Haringay option will deliver a stadium so far removed from what we are used to, that if it happens you’ll spot folk glancing wistfully at Chick King, smiling kindly at white dog sh*t on the way down from Seven Sisters as they prepare enter into what will be not dissimilar to an Industrial Light & Magic movie set.

The Stratford option will alter the dynamic of being a Yid forever. It will be a purposeful stride upon the path of globally recognized branding. All the transport aggro will be in less than an instant, ‘gone’. Spurs fans will be underground, overground Wombling free. Tottinghamization awaits.

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