I see this blog loosely as a work in three acts. Vitriol, facts and lastly some sense of conclusion. So here she is…
What in the name of Norman Wisdom was that? A Champions League quarter final or an open audition for Celebrity Clusterfeck On Ice?
The Spanish seemingly played with a football but whenever we got a touch of it it became a greasy sphere of helium with a poltergeist trapped inside it. Peter Crouch, part man, part giraffe, part rich feckin‘ tea biscuit. Unfortunately out of all the possible combinations his brain was supplied by the biscuit.
I see some are calling for him to be sold. As PT Barnum is no longer trading perhaps it might be swifter to duct tape a video of his valiant efforts last night between his butt cheeks, cram to capacity his grinning toothy gob with polystyrene chips empty a catering sized bottle of Frenchs’ American Mustard over his head and have him sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
Jermaine Jenas then. Here we have The Wizard Of Oz The Musical in human form. Heartless, brainless, without courage but in fairness lots of mindlessy effeminate running, skipping and friend of Judy type behaviour. Why hasn’t he been sold before now? Let me break this to you gently – he’s so desperately poor not even the rubbish clubs want him.
So what actually happened? Let’s start at the beginning shall we? You and me were on innocently suckling from our second beer and we suddenly clock Jenas in the shirt. Before either of us can say get security!, it’s announced that Azza Blud isn’t well. In actual fact it has only been some sixty seconds since he shared his ‘unwellness’ with our glorious leader, Arry.
But this isn’t the first time Arry was aware of this ‘unwellness’ indeed; we are told that the player had been a bit ‘unwell’ for hours if not days beforehand and that it was the pre-match warming up that exacerbated whatever was bugging him. So that makes the player guilty of being a complete and utter idiot as he should have really emphasised to Arry that he wasn’t in great shape and the manager could have then given some thought to a Plan B, rather than suddenly changing everything literally, at the last minute.
If the little schoolboy wants to go to the toilet and fails to raise his hand until it’s already running down his leg, we should comfort him and point out how this can be avoided next time. But when a grown man does it and whizzes all over our chances in Europe then he needs help I’m not qualified to provide.
Arry is the best thing to have happened to this Club since Keith left. This may come as a shock to some of you but I’m not expressing an opinion. Beyond the 2 points from 8 games [t-shirts still available in the foyer] business he has been singularly responsible for inserting a spine into what used to be a gang of occasionally fun to watch chancers.
It’s been a subtle a renaissance, but renaissance never the less. Under Redschnapps we no longer rock up to places like Blackpool and lose because we had to goaded off the coach and then begged to go out and run around for a bit. We now rock up to places like Blackpool and lose because the wipe-board sessions at the Lodge focusing on cow’s bottoms and banjos simply don’t permeate with this lot. Best of Greavsie tape, anyone?
You cannot achieve success and yet ‘have a bit missing’ from your game. It doesn’t work like that. How much did Pav cost? And Defoe and Crouch? You add all that together and I bet you could go out and buy one bloke who was capable of routinely scoring goals.
Manchester United have Berbatov and Rooney. Chelsea have Anelka and Drogba. At the other end of the food chain we have Wigan and I can’t even name their striker(s). Do you see what I’m driving at here?
It’s not Arry that’s taken us a far as he can, it’s the players. So as some of you sit there with your grandmother’s locket in your hot little hand staring into a sepia effect snap of Jose Mourinho, the rest of us who aren’t subject to a Care Order will weigh up the next move in the real world. Jose isn’t coming – he only manages men.
Last night you could say that Arry was out-witted by Jose. But how difficult must it have been? You and I sit in front of these screens pointing out the same stuff week in week out. I’d be amazed if Jose actually had a strategy for coping with our strikers. It was ll about Modders, Bale and Van der Vaart. Once they were eliminated it was job done. Arry’s decision to play Bale on the right did half the job for them and playing with ten men did the rest.
Levy is a bold Chairman and frequently a wise one. But he’ll win nothing a children.
Real Madrid are another Jose side, another side of Champions in waiting. The Jose template is shrouded in mystery, charisma and magic. But what is there for a fool to see is that there are no insane individual error merchants, no children who cannot get to the toilet in time.
Levy will have to be brave and discount some of the players that must be sold. No one likes losing money, but the first step to making a profit is often stopping a loss. Jermaine Jenas is a loser. Jermain Defoe is a loser. Vedran Corluka is a loser. If you want to debate this, then fine, tell me what they have won. Also tell me when you expect them to start.
These players crop up in every team and whilst they look at worst benign they are in fact cancerous and for the good of the patient must be cut out.
So in the aftermath of all the weeping and wailing we tell ourselves that it’s time to focus on the League. A phrase that chills me to the bone. All the successful sides have been doing that since last summer.
We’ll win nothing with children. Nothing.
Good article, but, you cld be talking about any number of games this season so far after last years over achievement!! On the subject of last night, jenas, lennon, bale, charlie, defoe, vdv, yes they were all crap, but why?? well CROUCH you *********, i cant even think of the word!! it was always gonna be tough, madrid are a world apart from the 2 milan teams, so to try and stop a cricket score with 75 mins of 10 men was ridiculous. never gonna happen. So Peter….cheerio fella you landed all your team mates in it, and rounded off one of THE very best away days with that shower!!!
So 500 quid lighter in the pocket, but hey, well done to all the yids, the thousands who made the trip, wot a day, wot an afternoon!! As for the evening, well at least we made a lot of friends along the way!!!
Regarding the comparisons with Utd’s and Chelsea’s strikeforce, you have to be more realistic. Rooney & Berbatov cost Utd a near combined £58m, whereas Chelsea’s 3 strikers cost them a whopping £89m. Additionally, both clubs can offer any potential glamour striker signings wages of £120k a week (at the very least) and almost guaranteed CL football every season. Spurs still can’t compete with these teams on any of these terms: fees, wages and level of football.
Your realist views are not welcome here.
Pretty balanced piece and a fair assessment I think of the mentality needed to make the jump from contenders to winners.
Sadly, there is a serious question to be asked about Lennon’s mentality since his injury – Not only has his form suffered dreadfully but he doesn’t seem to be enjoying playing. It’s a real concern and he could well find himself becoming a Pennant or a Richardson if he’s not careful.
This campaign has been a joy to be a part of and while the majority of it has be played with a naive have-a-go ‘Brits abroad’ mentality, there have been flashes of professionalism that have been encouraging. The dismantling of an admittedly poor Inter at WHL and the first leg against AC in the San Siro are cases in point.
The important thing now is that the club decide that this is the way they want things to be always and that they have now permanently raised the bar on our level of expectation. This means a more professional approach to all areas of our activity from transfers and training to tactics and mentality at big games – To go into ones like last night not thinking ‘we have nothing to lose’ as underdogs but to see ourselves as equals, deserving of our place at the top table.
There are already hints that the club is changing. From large capital plans like ground redevelopment through to subtle things like not bringing a DVD out of every win as if it were a novelty, the club are gradually becoming more professional, believing more and expecting more. There will be a genuine disappointment if we don’t qualify for the CL this year – When three seasons ago we would have been more than happy with a Europa position.
I think we should resist the urge to knee-jerk but we should also accept. As you’ve said, that there needs be a line drawn under this phase in our development to set the tone for moving forward and only those prepared to make the effort should be invited.
As fans, we also have to prepared to accept that moving forward may mean losing some of our naivety and accepting that the modernisation of the club will require world class facilities that may not be available where we currently are.
Like so many moaning twats I hear at WHL, most fans come with a view to criticising and are only satisfied by an emphatic victory…even then I have heard some moaning that “it should have been 5 or 6” when we’d won 4-1 (Bolton, Feb 07).
I liken many Spurs fans to food critics. They turn up expecting perfection and are all too happy to be critical when perfection is not served to them. What reinforces this likeness is that Spurs fans turn up expecting Michelin Star quality when in reality Spurs are currently not much more than a very good, expensive, Gastro pub (but way better than the greasy spoon we were 2.5 seasons ago)
You cannot make a qualty assessment of our performnace after that red card which was a game changer. 3MP was a fool, with his expereince he should know better, but shit happens sometimes!
We were brave in the face of adversity…..that must be recognised and applauded. We tired at the end and to be honest, the 2nd and 3rd goals were great goals by Real, 10 men or not.
OF COURSE WE STRUGGLED TO KEEP THE BALL. It was easy for Real to squeeze space, especially with no outlet up top, when we only had 10 men.
Barca squeezed Arsenal’s 11 men giving them no time on the ball. Like Barca, Real are one of the worlds best teams, and Jose is one of the worlds best managers.
The ease of squeezing was not helped by the lack of Lennon, meaning we had a long ball to crouch or look for Bale. With Crouch gone we had 1 option. Even with Defoe on, he was easily marked out the game by 2 defenders at all times and does not have the advatage of extreme height which can nulify the effectiveness of tight marking by 1 or more defenders.
The only player who disappointed me on the nioght (other than Crouch of course) was VDV. at 11 v 11 he had a number of dreadful touches, was caught in possession 2 or 3 times and gave the ball away too much.
As for those playing the usual Jermaine “scapegoat” Jenas card, its simply pathetic, blinkered and displays real stupidity.
I am as disappointed as the rest of you but this is a learning process, for everyone….fans players, manager. Lets not knee-jerk !
Take your point about White Hart Lane and it’s professional moaners I go there to cheer us on. On line they can take it on the chin and frankly say thank you after-wards.
Jenas has become a scape goat to some. But to many more I would suggest he’s come to epitomise what your average fan in the street has had enough of.
When he arrived in 1972 or was it earlier – he looked an excellent prospect. A sweet touch and passing that fell neatly into the Hoddlesque category and some of his goals were – for want of a less American word – awesome.
But what we’ve had for far far too long now is a guy would ‘turned up’ one game in ten or worse. Then the apologists pitched us the,’but he delivers against Arsenal’ line.
I was at the Lane when he scored ‘that’ goal in the dying seconds of extra time and tied the game. The mood prior to him scoring could best be described as ugly. I would suggest that Jenas was probably spurred on by not wanting to be left swinging from a lamppost.
He was abysmal. Routinely losing possession and playing an endless, depressing cycle of lateral or back passes.
Nobody wants to watch that. It sucks. It depresses.
And salt in the Jenas wound are his chats to the press. Do they think we’re all 11? That we skip into the newsagents, hand over our pocket money and pour over the latest edition of Hotspur Magazine?
‘Look mummy, JJ says we’re going to push on for a top four finish!!!! Woweeeee!!!’
Somebody gouge my eyes out with rusty knives and drizzle lighter fluid into the sockets. Please.
Jenas hasn’t developed or improved. He’s in fact just returned from a lengthy period of benching as he wasn’t good enough to get in the first team. Had Azza not developed hooping cough or whatever the hell was wrong with him then he wouldn’t have started last night.
Harry he didn’t join us until, August 2005, he was not born until 1983.
Are you from across the pond or is that the most brilliant double switchback of deadpan irony that I’ve ever seen?
To HH, I would have to agree. Surely even JJ must be able to see it now that his so called star is on the wane and it’s time to go. One thing in the last few months has shown is how much T’Hudd was starting to be the player we all hoped JJ would be when he signed.
I think we’ve really missed him since his ankle op.
You know I wonder how much time Harry really had to re-think his strat..finding out so late that Aaron would be out…
I might have been tempted to play with two strikers from the off, with Defoe and Crouch in a 4-4-2..
With the exception of crouch, jenas was by far our worst player last night. Call it scapegoating if you want.
The reason Real had such an easy time of it was that they had literally acres of space down their left side (you’ll note that the moves for every one of their goals but the first came from there).
After the sending off, Jenas was supposed to be guarding that side. Instead of pushing out to guard that space or make himself useful in any way, he would drop in between corluka and gallas. This let marcelo and ronaldo have their absolute way with us down that side. Marcelo wasn’t their best player last night because he did anything brilliant, he just had a paddock every time the ball came to him. In the meantime, Jenas wasn’t picking up anyone, just kind of crab-walking around literally 10 or 15 yards from Marcelo. I know this is the old joke, but it actually was a lot like playing with 9 men.
On the rare occasion we did win the ball back, instead of providing an outlet for modders he would shift to slightly in front of gallas and dawson, generally getting in sandro’s way, making the backpass harder, and making it necessary for modders to try and run through three agressively pressing madrid players.
I disagree with HH. I don’t think this is because he’s cowardly, or has reached his skill level. I think it’s because he’s absolutely fucking gormless and doesn’t understand football. If he makes good decisions, it’s by accident, and that’s why he’s always provided the rare moment of genius. Call it sporadic bouts of savant to go with the cripplingly long hours of idiot.
Rant over.
totally,totally agree.that was a perfect desciption of how the game was played.he confused everyone of our players.surely though redknapp should have replaced like for like,outside mid for an outside player.he has to take most of the blame imo
what is the matter with some of you? last to fourth not good enough? quarters of the CL not good enough? get real. this is just the start – look at the experience the youngsters have gained – the players have gone beyond their previous limits and now know what is required. we have a lot to look forward to over the next few years. sure, there will be some sales and some purchases but that is normal. what cannot be bought is the experience – san siro twice, now bernabau. year 1 – mission accomplished. year 2 – set new targets
go away you negative posters – this has been a great year and has laid the foundation for a bright future. soon, the whole of europe will be scared of a mature spurs team – with genuine supporters – not whingers (may i remind you – 1962 Liverpool away – 2-5; 3 days later at home 7-2)
Have to say I agree and that the level of expectation has started dwarf the scale of the actual feat these players have achieved. That we started to not only believe but EXPECT that we were going to beat RM in the Bernabeu like we were playing Blackburn at home.
When you put it into perspective, these same players were bottom of the league what, 28 months ago? They have just got to the Champions League 1/4 finals. That is one hell of a step forwards. If your business did that you’d be slapping the staff on the back & dishing out cigars, not discussing sacking the department head and clearing out all the desks.
Building a winning side is just that – Building. You need foundations etc. etc.