Arry Replacements Named

Yo.

On the last blog I gave a Arry a dig in the ribs. For me what grates are the self indulgences presumably prompted by his defense mechanism. The mood at The Lane when things fail to go swimmingly is fine blend of angst and lynch mob.

Football managers do not benefit from speech writers or spin doctors and consequently they have probably provided the world with more ‘interesting’ uses of the English language than George Bush.

But if you can suspend your disbelief at his belief in 3MP, and your rage at being told you’ve never had it so good you can actually see that he’s done a good job.

I’m not 83 but when I was a kid qualifying for Europe was the one. Bill Nicholson said if we’re not in Europe, we’re nothing. We’re nothing. I’ve always loved the way his words and those of Danny Boy have transcended time and become our scripture.

But the quote on Europe is rarely mentioned. I never see it as a ‘signature’ on forums. Always the ‘Aiming high…’ one. And so it seems I guess that the expectations in the modern game have changed. Not just in the top flight. There was a fella on the radio the other day saying that in the lower leagues the life expectancy of a manager is now averaging 14 months.

14 months. Managing a team comprised of men who aren’t very good at playing football, with no financial resources and piddle poor facilities. Heh, yeah. Change the manager. That’ll crack it.

So Redschnapps out then. I’m not surprised. Let me state that from the start. He and his mate 3MP currently owe me 2 television sets a piece.

Arry has done well in places. The quarter finals of the Champions League is an excellent achievement. Finishing 5th or 6th was heralded as ‘fab’ under Jol. JOl fans told us is this hourly for about 6 months after he was chopped. But the expectations of fans now have overtaken common sense.

Arry has done poorly in places. He is so media friendly he is bound – by the law of averages – to end up bugging someone. For every quote that makes us grin, there will be one that prompts us to violently swear at him. That 2 points from 8 games line has gone from being a badge of honour to a life raft.

There is of course the inevitable, ‘it’s Levy’s fault’ element within the lynch mob. A wage cap means fiscal control which means you don’t get bought out by chicken wholesalers. Fiscal control means you don’t get relegated with £40M worth of debt tucked into your underpants by a pair of porn barons.

Anyhoo, I’m not selling Arry. I’m selling reason. I got chill down my spine yesterday looking at some of the Arry replacements some supporters online have lined up. Let the shipwrecks of others be your marker in the storm, I say.

Let’s have a look at the runners and riders.

Carlo Ancelotti
Aside from his chances of wanting to join us, this has to epitomise the ‘I want it now, mummy!’ screaming fan mentality. Arguably one of the best managers and proven football minds in Europe. Fwank his 20 goals a season star missing for months plus Drogba his 46 year old striker out with Malaria. Yeah, sack him and send him over.

Villas Boas
Portuguezzer. One game away from an undefeated season. League title winner. Navy suit wearer. This guy is golden. Ramos 4.0. Just pledged his future to Porto. Get him in and we’ll turn his glittering career into a smoking, smashed up, twisted car crash.

Gus Hiddink
He’s used to managing turkeys :-p . The name on the lips of anyone comprising a managerial wish list. He’s been linked with Cheatski so long even he must wake up some days and think he must have managed them at some point. Gus Hiddink’s blue and white army! unfortunately doesn’t scan.

Jose Mourinho
Ah, the fantasy. The Special One actually requires a near bottomless pit of money in order to weave his unique brand of specialness. We would invoke not trophies from him but barbs. ‘I am a manager with only one hand. Daniel keeps my other hand in his bank. What can I do?’ – Where have we heard that line before….?

Over to you…