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Jermain Told Me He Was Joining Arsenal Then He Stole My Fridge

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The Daily Star are running with Defoe to Arsenal piece this morning. Dear Daily Star, if you are going to make something up, at least have a go at making it interesting.

‘Teenage night club hostess, Linda Tightbliss (pictured) met the Premier League star at her place of work West End hot spot Barbillus at 3am last night. ‘I knew who he was cos I’d seen him being flagged offside all the time on the telly. He was a real gent at first, buying everyone drinks and asking me if I wanted a bag of crisps. I was flattered by the attention.’

But then Linda’s dream encounter took a sinister turn.

‘He was telling me about all his mates at The Lane and how none of them lived with their mums anymore and they all had diamonds. It seemed like a fairytale. Then he suggested we went back to mine to watch a Jimmy Greaves DVD. I had no idea that this charming little man was really just after my white goods.’

‘I wasn’t raised to be indiscreet so I’ll leave what went on in my Ilford love nest to your imaginations. But in the morning I fell off cloud nine with a bump. I awoke to find my man missing (just like on the telly) and when I went downstairs my fridge was gone!’

I refused to report the matter to the authorities as they won’t pay for my story. I am now on my way to Cash Converters with my agent, but I feelĀ  now I was naive to let him in.’

Harry Hotspur would just like to emphasis to Mr Defoe’s legal team that this made up tale is made up and that any potential lady friends of their client would always have their white goods treated in a most respectful manner.

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50 comments

  • Crisandro says:

    rebrov Says: Fuck me, grow up and find something better to do with your time.

    In that particular order?

  • melcyid says:

    what times kick off?
    any decent threads?
    whos injured?
    are we playing with one upfront?
    is it that cad webb ref again?
    lets av the slags

    withdrawal syptoms meh grrrh :unsure:

  • onedavemackay says:

    Oh, that it were true and another useless striker was off our books.

  • Aimee says:

    Let it be true, imagine the atnosphere at the lane derby and the scope for a little ditty of a song.

  • kojac says:

    defoe is a gooner fan isn’t he,he’d go there in a flash,we don’t sell to arsenal its just good manners,i hope the top brass understand these things

    levy and his chums must have some good perks at the investec derby you’d think,wish i did

    how come big tom doesn’t get in the england squad,he is made for it,i’d have lennon and les around too

    i can’t believe barry still gets a place

    • LosLorenzo says:

      I happen to know that Capello picks his squad through deductive reasoning. Here is some sweet syllogism action:

      Barry plays for ManC. Thudd plays for Spurs.
      ManC are in CL. Spurs are not.
      ManC are a better team than Spurs.
      Barry is a better player than Thudd.

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