Aggravated Analysis, Reactionary Ratings

Mmn.

Immediately after the final whistle yesterday I switched off my television set and went off to do something less boring instead.

Which in this instance was an enormous plate of Discovery nachos with all the trimmings. Fresh guacamole, jalapenos, sour cream, my own house blend of cheeses.

I name the brand for two reasons. In the vague hope Discovery will send a gratis pallet of their stuff and to alert any of you that like nachos but had yet to try these ones that the sachet of cheese sauce that Discovery incluse which to the best of my knowledge no one else offers make the whole taste absolutely historic.

My point being …I missed Arry’s post match interview. And by the power of GreySkull I’m glad I did. The full 1min 53secs of the BBC trying to talk to man who was clearly worried that was about missing his last bus home is here.

We battered them. No Arry, we didn’t. 

In a fish and chip shop the bloke or indeed woman dips the skinned and boned fish into a batter mixture and throws it into bubbling oil after a few minutes said piece of fish is miraculously encased in a crispy, delicious golden coating. This is a battering. 

Equally, 5-2 is a battering. 

Losing 0-1 at Everton is missing the bowl of batter mixture and dropping the fish on the floor. Failing to reign Bale in to play primarily on the left wing is standing on the fish. Failing to play Modric in his best position is slipping over and breaking a limb.

Set pieces. All matters related to these are held in a file at the Tottenham training ground in a petty cash tin marked, ‘Lottery tickets and spare pens’.

As for player ratings it’s difficult not to now simply write, ‘Please see last week’s or indeed, the week before that’s. 

 5.678 I’d genuinely give Cudicini a run out. People want goalies that don’t make mistakes and Brad is pretty close to being that. Yet a bi product is that he sticks to his line and could be accused of being a little one dimensional.

 5.678 The usual blend of okayness. Pace but little more going forwards so I’d like him to be defensively coached. Is this happening? Who knows. 

 5.678 Not dreadful, but closer to dreadful than commanding and CB’s need to be as commanding as you can find ’em. We’ve been winging it and we’re no officially in the borrowed time business.

 5.768 Got better as the game went on but this is hardly a glowing remark. The cannon like shot needs to come from ‘down town’ and be lashed in on the diagonal to create a second ball. No second ball in Rom K.

 6.567 A mixed bag in truth. He certainly avoided the chaos of some recent appearances, but he’s at his best getting the ball swiftly into Modric so we can counter attack with pace. This didn’t happen.

 2.000 Glory hunting chump. Won’t defend, played three gaylord flick cum crosses that met Everton players every time. I’m sick of the sight of him. If Barca want him I strongly suggest Levy & Co. listen to offers as we’re playing without him now so his sale can’t harm us.

 7.567 Looks knackered and so would you mopping up everything in a 442 that doesn’t bloody work to your team’s advantage. Looked good moving the ball into the last third but he needs a better formation as does the rest of the team.

 6, 678 Being played out of position did him no favours. Is this some end game ploy of Arry’s to make the kid determined to leave us? Or is the manager really as thick as he appears? 

 6.567 It was an occasionally good performance. So not a ringing endorsement here either but he’s going in the right direction and is preferable to Livermore in such a role.

 5.678 Bizarrely he did try to offer more than his profligate end to the Stevenage game. But it was all scraps and half chances and guess what Everton didn’t give him the space that Stevenage did. 

 5.567 Missed an opportunity that he really ought not have.