Good evening.
All this weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth is all well and good cathartic but how do we and indeed will we take steps to …get a new plan, Stan? My fear is that Citizen Redschnapps is mentally in Hitler’s bunker right now.
The pity me routine has worn thin/been exhausted with the fans because the bulk of us aren’t mentally retarded. The squad isn’t awful. Sure, it’s serving up relatively awful performances, but then if you give a chimpanzee the finest ingredients known to mankind and the best kitchen to cook in, the odds are you will be chowing down on a takeaway while vets try to save the ape.
There is talk from our tight lipped supremo of winning as many of our remaining games as possible. Commendable stuff. If of course, your motor neurons fire at the same speed as a marble rolling through a tray of thickened paint.
The crucial element absent from this Lollypop Land equation is a wee thing called form. So let’s swerve naivety and not just look at our own, shall we? Ought we dare?
We face [in chronological order] QPR, Blackburn, Bolton, Villa, Fulham. Villa and Blackburn and Bolton lurk like bottom feeders, nestled in the drop zone. Blackburn’s current form reflects their season. It’s ‘roadkill’ and they are going down with t’Wolves.
Bolton’s form quite possibly guided by the hand of a higher being of course, appears to be resurgent. Better than Sunderland, than Norwich, than West Bromwich Albion.
Then onto the wounded animals.
QPR is at Loftus Road, the venue of 3 wins from their last 6. Away, they suck badly. This is a piece of professional analytical terminology I do not expect all of you to be savvy with.
Fulham could be a another skin de banane. Fancy Big Martin Jol not wanting to ruin our Champions League Parade, at The Lane?
Please, let me be your bookie.
I’ve just picked up on a conspiracy thread …from an unimpeachable source. Apparently the first half of the season didn’t take place AT ALL – it was all filmed in a disused aircraft hangar in a remote part of the Arizona desert. Some documents have been found showing there was a collaboration between David Pleat and Arthur C Clarke to write the script. The FA and PL ‘intelligence services’ are secretly analysing video footage and still photos, and early reports suggest some inconsistencies in what we’ve been led to believe really happened up to early February. Apparently the shadows cast by some of the corner flags are not consistent with the position of the sun, and the lighting from floodlights has been inadvertently included in some picture of goals, thereby masking the real position of the ball. A key video has gone missing from Sky film vaults – one which shows that 4 of the goals against Newcastle were actually either not over the line, or were in fact offside. The linesman’s flag has clearly been removed from one of the shots. Not sure about the reliability of this one… but there’s a shot of Redknapp on a sunlounger in his Speedo’s on the beach at Monaco ruffling the head of his dog…the doctored picture actually shows him in a tracksuit in the dugout at WHL, patting JD on the head and appearing to ask him to ‘get on and run about a bit’.
I’m told they had to pull the plug on the whole thing as a result of worries that the Tax Case was going to go on a bit longer and if Arry was found guilty they’d have to find a rubber chopped impersonator whilst he was inside..intensive searches in Acting Agency files proved unsuccessful. They were also concerned that if they put Arry away in solitary in Slade Prison to keep the pretence up he’d still find a way to gob off to the press through his ‘inside links’ ….he is it seems still in touch with Grouty.
I must admit there seems a touch of truth in all of this …I’ll keep digging around on the web and let you all know if I find any more evidence.
I still think we have a squad capable of finishing top 4. Thanks Wigan, you have a given us a ray of sunlight after an awful weekend. Harry needs to solve his “we are too open” problem. This seems to be he is automatic answer to almost every question at the moment.
Sandra: Love, do you want some brown sauce with your bacon sarnie?
Harry: Brown sauce? How do you expect me to eat brown sauce. I’m playing with four forwards here! Can’t you see how open we are?
This 4 forwards thing puzzles me. I have heard it a few times this season. I’m just a numpty when it comes to the fine art of formations but i’m pretty sure Bale & Lennon are both midfielders. In fact, VDV is (according to the Spurs website) a midfielder. So we started with one forward (all be it in a 4-4-2 formation) on Sunday. When Defoe came on we had 2 forwards in the same formation. Is Harry saying that his instructions to Bale & Lennon was to FORGET about getting back/defending/marking your man/playing for the team? If so, then i guess we were playing with 4 forwards and it’s pretty easy to understand why we lost by 4 goals.
Harry can you please ask them not to play as forwards? I think it may help the team and perhaps make us less “open”…….
‘Harry needs to solve his “we are too open” problem.’ He’s refering to his big mouth.
:-) :-) :-)
Youve got to love Martinez but his team only seems to turn it on when threatened with imminent relegation. I cant work out if success would bring him down or see him sedated.
One of my old mates had a theory about drinking faster when on the lash — i.e. when you have a few mouthfuls left at the bottom of a pint you tend to glug it one go, ergo he’d have two pint glasses – one full and one empty – and keep pouring a single ‘slurps worth’ into the second glass in a rapid cycle of action.
Maybe that’s what we’d need if Martinez came in…keep drip feeding him “we only have 6 games left we’re in danger of the drop”. Do that 6 times and we’d be home and dry with something to spare.
No guts, no glory!
When Im inside the box i try and think of wallpaper…SahaSahaSaha