The following is an exclusive extract from the players’ meeting held at Chigwell today by Club Captain Ledley King. Given the very nature of this highly sensitive material, elements of it maybe inaccurate and it may also be partially or completely fabricated.
Ledley: Alright lads I fink you all know why I’ve called you all here…
Luka: You have new sexy film on telephone? *Makes horse neighing noise*
PNB : *low voice from back of group* Go straight to Broadmoor, do not pass Go, do not collect £200.
Ledley: Yeah, so er anyway we need to talk about the Norwich game and fink about how we push on from it really.
Bale: Where’s Arry?
Kyle: He’s filming.
Benny: He is looking for lady love on ‘The Undatables’ show, Lol.
Ledley: So guys it’s important that we all get together…
Brad: Can we do this tomorrow, I have a yoga class.
Modric: No like Star Wars *in falsetto voice* ‘You no my father’
Eunice: I bent my wookie.
Rafa: Guys, I think we know what the problems are and if we just…
Bale: I won’t lie to you, a witch hunt isn’t the way to do this.
Rafa: Gazza, no one you know, is focusing on you here, buddy.
PNB: No we’re saving that one for after the semi.
Defoe: Speaking of which, how is the wife?
Rafa: Eh? Look, we need to speak to Harry and discuss the shape and tactics.
Benny: When he comes back from dating show, Lol.
Sandro: I think we need to play with more width.
Jake: That’s what she said…
Ledley: I fink it’s important we pull together. Remember why we’re here.
Nelsen: We should really wait til Harold gets back.
Jake: Mr Bishop, to you son.
Ledley: Please boys, we need to really rally here and make sure that we can kick on for these last few games…
Defoe: To be fair, I just need more game time, you know what I mean? I’m a machine, man.
Kyle: Yeah, a Sinclair C5.
Defoe: Nice one, Forest.
Rafa: Boys the best teams in the world play very simply. Best players in best positions and for each other.
Bale: I’m really focused on that level, playing at the very top flight I am.
Tim Sherwood: Alright chaps, who fancies practicing some corners?
Azza: Nah, Arry said we…
Kyle: He said we did loads yesterday.
Brad: This frigging game is ruining my life.
Yes, the only place that showed up was in Levy’s “open letter” to the fans which also contained a number of other suspect ass covering assertions.
And if Jol did have a meeting with Newcastle, so what? If you were in a job where another employee always had the ear of the boss, was cutting you out of key decisions and usurping your functions with your boss’s full approval, I expect you would agree to chat with another potential employer as well.
Plus it didn’t become public knowledge till after he was gone, unlike Harry whoring himself non-stop for the last two years for the England gig. Did Spurs’ form drop around the time of this interview, any suggestion that talking to Newcastle affected Jol’s job performance? Have you noticed our sudden plummet down the table since Harry’s turned his eyes to greener pastures?
Senior Spurs officials were inept enough to get freaking photographed interviewing another manager in August, lied about it until the photos were published in the press, completely undermined Jol with the players, sacked him in the most humiliating fashion possible and landed us with the least successful Iberian peninsula export ever, including AVB. But Martin may have talked to Newcastle, so that balances everything out and renders all the positive things he did for this club, not least of which was returning us to Europe, meaningless. Right.
Talking of Newcastle, can Alan Shearer not refrain from demanding the FA appoint the new England coach immediately – to wit, Redknapp?
He surely knows that any more poison from the National team’s chalice could paralyse entirely our top four challenge, and enable our competitors – which, coincidentally, include his beloved Newcastle – to maximise theirs.
Or is that the point, Alan?
Here we go again, HR “I could have signed Sessegnon and Ben Arfa” Bale “we will beat Chelsea because we are better than them.”
Why don’t they just shut up and concentrate on playing some half decent football ?
We were going along quite nicely until January, when we started getting quotes such as “we will be London’s top side”, “we can win the League” and look what has happened since.
What could be :shocked2: most embarrassing for rent-a-gob is the way he arrogantly wrote of Newcastle’s possibility of ending up top four, just before our game against them up in Northshire.
I can’t remember his exact nonsense, but I hope for our sake, rather than his, that he isn’t totally proven the clown he is.
Welcome back ‘desktop’. ;-)
I see we are being linked with a keeper called Slocombe. Oh dear, I think I know where this one is going…..
Minge city
tuppence terrace
why can’t Bale keep his bleedin’ gob shut?…what a pillock! shut the fack up and do your talkin on the left! now the whole chav dressing room will be out to put you in your place…moron!
sure, most of them cant even speaka da englaise, and dog terry only reads the daily star and c18 pamphlets, its called having some confidence, which has been badly missed for months, fucktard
what a fucking melt