An Extraordinarily Balanced Analysis Of Last Night’s Borefest

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Last night was a lot like the game against the Bubbles but with 13,000 Rammstein fans in the crowd. The overwhelming concern to all of us watching was that it really was a terribly dull fare. Once you got past the Maribor ‘I’ve been shot in the face’ play-acting the actual entertainment to be had was less than meager.

The star of our show – that if it was a pilot episode wouldn’t get commissioned for a series – was Tommy Huddlestone. I’ve been increasingly frustrated with him and the ‘myth of him’ perpetuated by his fanboys. But in the midst of this wake with no booze of a match he stood out as someone who was at least attempting to offer some class.

Difficult to argue there is a sweeter strike of the ball in the Premier League, I’d say. His distribution was like watching one of those slick frisbee players from the 1970’s. A slight delay as the grip was decided then the thing pinged effortlessly with extraordinary care and precision. Kind words from a blogger that described him only two weeks ago as looking like he’d been smoking ketamine. Possibly for weeks on end.

The problem is or was that Maribor are actually a bit rubbish.

My gusto for this tournament wanes when we don’t field a full strength team and we looked utterly characterless against a team greyer than John Major’s favourite sweater. Allegations that the manager is taking it more seriously than the players is a conspiracy theory that dissipates once the quality of the men in the Lilywhite nosedives this low.

Falque had a go, but at 23 you have to ask why he isn’t doing more than games like this. Lennon was in flatter to deceive mode again which against the schmucks he was facing is depressing.

Poor old/young Kyle Walker needs a rest. The bloke needs to urgently regroup. Don’t get sidetracked with the Twitter thing. Get focused on a naff game for England followed by a worse one for us against Chelsea. This guy isn’t too far away from being the business.But he needs to be reeled in now before we get a ‘trying too hard’ performance in the Premier League that also doesn’t amount to a hill of beans.

Jan was buried in the mediocrity. Naughton did little wrong, I want him to play against Southampton. Sandro was out of control. Mind you no one else was doing anything so it probably seemed like a good idea at the time. Livermore should ask Nottingham Forest if they have any openings. Gilfy needs Bale. Needs a plan. He’s a boy with no job description. Townsend look like he’d been taking tips from Kyle Walker. Lots of gusto, no bloody brain.

Defoe as a lone striker is like staring at the last match in the box and hoping it doesn’t snap/isn’t damp …

So what of the bosses’ Europa project? Mmmn. Bale on paternity leave. Adebayor with arse back ache. Moussa with a knocked out hip. Parker on a Saga Spa Break. Mmmn. If we don’t win the two home games we don’t deserve to progress. I just wish we’d played better. Unlovable stuff.

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  • E4_Yid says:

    Good summary of the game, bit of housekeeping though, Falque is 22, same age as Walker who is still “young and learning” in his own words.

    • BrisbaneSpur says:

      Said it before say it again 22 is not ‘young’ anymore as they have had 5 to 10 years of professional training by early 20’s.

  • Billy Legit says:

    I like Ramstein.

  • BillyFiore says:

    We need Bale, Dembele et al, back but clearly we need to get rid of the deadwood still at the club. Need some actual AVB signings who sign on the dotted line with an actual appreciation of what the gaffer wants and can implement it. First 11 when fit are a match for anyone. Scratch the surface and well, you find milk floats and headless chickens.

    • TonyRich says:

      You cannot blame “deadwood” for that performance. Our squad is strong. When Fulham went far in this competition, their squad was far weaker than ours. The only deadwood that I can think of are Gomes and Cudicini – plus Bentley/Jenas of course… Dawson is seen by AVB as “deadwood”, but his presence is hardly hindering us because we have a good set of CBs.

  • johnny cheshunt says:

    I thought the whole experience was awful and it made me quite angry.

    There is nothing at the business end of our game. NOTHING.

  • Steev says:

    Huddlestone slowed the game down, so slow at times and he gave a goal away by being lazy in the head and flatfooted in the body. Apart from that he was ok. Walker seems to have lost his measured approach to the game – in both attack and defence and does look like a headless chicken at times – he seemed to have ‘learned more’ last year! We were often slow to arrive in the final third of the field and rarely created panic in the box.

    • essexian76 says:

      So it wasn’t Townsend who gave the ball away then?, talk about blame anyone if they’re not on your Christmas list-For the record Huddlestone was in the area whenis non-tackle took place-how about those the player beat before getting that far?

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