Good afternoon.
It’s on. Like Fat Pat’s thong. The Premier League is back and not a moment too soon. I would rather eat Sellotape than sit through another International break. Did you miss it? Here’s a comprehensive summary: Serbia won Eurovision with their version of ‘The Funky Gibon’ and the council cut Adrian Chiles’ hair.
Here are the weekend’s fixtures and here are my wildly inaccurate predictions. Pay this month’s utility bills next month. Use the cash you’ll win to become richer than Richard Keys’ solicitor.
Fulham vs Aston Villa
The glamour tie. Fulham’s form is uninspiring but they look like world-beaters compared to the Villans. Paul Lambert is another one of these managers who by moving from one club to another managed to sabotaged the pair of them. Norwich are at a loss to know what to do without him and Villa can’t make head nor tail of him. BMJ won’t really be in trouble if he draws here, but if he doesn’t win he’ll ask himself where easier points might realistically come from. Prediction? An ill tempered 2-0.
Liverpool vs Reading
Brentdon Rodgers and his envelopes. Jesus wept. Betting wise I wouldn’t trust Liverpool as far as I could throw them. Couldn’t beat Stoke, couldn’t beat Sunderland. Reading were beginning to do a good impression of a punch bag. Chelsea, us and West Brom all had a go but then they’ve managed to string two draws I’d say were credible enough together against Swansea and the Bar Codes. I’m going for a score draw. Prediction? 1-1.
Manchester United vs Stoke
There is a singular blip on Yanited’s recent form. Us! Of course this is a results based business, however the only genuine chink in Slur Alex’s armour is the volume of goals his mob are conceding. This will have Tony Pulis delivering a pre-match instruction of, ‘Get it into the naffin’ box!!!’ to his gallant lads. Can Stoke ‘do a job’ and frustrate? I’d like to think so, but a win seems inevitable as Stoke’s away form has been iffy. Prediction? 2-1.
Swansea vs Wigan
Ha. Being a professional analyst (Oi! Quiet at the back there, please) the form of these two is so similar it’s chilling. No point dragging things out. I predict a home win by a single goal.
West Brom vs City
This could be interesting. By that, I’m not recommending watch it. That will probably do you no good at all. No good whatsoever. But form wise looking at both sides last 6 matches there’s genuinely very little in it. I would hope for Steve Clarke to scratch a draw, but the horrible, horrible financial value of the City boys says otherwise. Prediction? Ah, what the heck have a 2-2.
West Ham vs Southampton
What anti-West Ham agenda, how dare you?! Come on you Saints! If you want to be distracted by the fact that Southampton have lost more games than they’ve won you won’t find me joining you. I say Nigel Adkins will build on the draw against Fulham and smash these charmless nurks! Super Saints! Prediction? 1-3, at least.
Norwich vs Arsenal
Clipboard Chris needs to make the canaries last 3 games look like what they hopefully were. 3 games that produced 3 losses, 2 away from Carrow Road that were against damn tough opposition. Prior to that they’d kept a pretty straight bat. Draws galore. Sadly this looks like a damage limitation exercise. Arsenal have some cracking players and Norwich don’t. Perhaps the carrot crunchers can give us all a burst of, ‘You’re just a French Jimmy Savile’ and make MOTD all the more watchable. Prediction? 1-4
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Our game in full …as usual …in the next blog!
RIP Milija Aleksic…..sad sad news…I was there at Old Trafford in 79 and the two games in 81…God bless you.
Only 61. Not much older than me. Makes you think.
Yes only a year older than me. Wasn’t one of them where Hoddle went in goal at an FA Cup replay and Ardiles scored the winner?
It sure was, I was there as well-R.I.P Elastic
Anyone see Bale’s 85 minute run from the half way line against Croatia the other evening ?
Shades of the games versus Inter Milan in the CL.
I can see us losing or drawing tomorrow but I can also see us winning……
Think you have every angle covered there.. but we are not playing tomorrow.
First Bruxie, Harts now you. Actually I’m beginning to think my association with the Bells and Grants families is making me lose the odd day myself.
There are a few having senior moments on here today.
International breaks do this to me……wishing my life away.. :-(
Harts, I owe you and Bruxie an apology. The match is tomorrow after all.
:lol:
You need to change families!…I recommend the Jameson family… it’s real whiskey (with an e)and doesn’t taste like you have been just bog snorkeling-
I’ve never tried that one, but I did try some Bushmills once. Hmm…maybe I can put the Jamesons on my Christmas wish list along with the Chivas Regal Royal Salute and the Jack Daniels…actually more wishful thinking than wish list.
“doesn’t taste like you’ve been bog snorkelling”!
HAAAHAHAHAHA!
Only the Irish could differentiate whiskey by religion…Bushmills is (God forgive me)… Nor’n Iron protestant whiskey…so its a sin to drink…so I have sinned regularly…the best of which is Bushmills black label …also called a Shirley Bassey for some reason…I never figured that one out…
Are they all on heroin at Liverpool FC http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2219529/Brendan-Rodgers-better-Jose-Mourinho-Carlo-Ancelotti-says-Liverpool-coach.html
Yes, it would appear so.
Read some shite in my time, but wow an oscar for fantasy bullsh1t goes too………….
Heroin, steroids…probably read out a bit of the J.K. Rowling novel he was reading by mistake.
Well if they are it explains the endemic paranoia in that part of the world.
If Brendan Rodgers is better than Mourinho then Iain Dowie is better looking than Brad Pitt- or me or anyone else on this blog!
I just fell off my seat laughing. Is it April 1st already?
Friday games, Defoe going to score, April 1st today – are we sure we aint the ones on heroin …..?
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I’d have bet my mortgage 5 seconds ago that I would have been berated by a guy with a Defoe calender by now….. Maybe the ‘come-downs’ set in?
Defoe calender syndrome isn’t curable.