Rivers Of Blood & Jazz Mags

Curiouser and curiouser cried H, as he heard a twisted tale unfold from his extra shiny Dualit radio. Stratford, THFC, Olympic Stadium, Pikeys? Hold up…

What about the Naming Rights Arena? And what of all those beautifully and dutifully superimposed artists’ impressions of happy and contented Client Reference numbers merrily marching to mass at the New Lane?

This curve ball comes in the form of a venture between AEG and THFC which would see both parties as joint anchor tenants after the Games are over.

My view is that I can see the logic. The venue will only require minor adjustments to make it football friendly. The issue of the running track needs addressing of course. Perhaps disguising with a flowerbed depicting Legends (minus Jimmy, Rambo, Gazza and other delinquents, of course) or perhaps wheelchair bound fans waving complimentary flags… something heartwarming with a positive message.

The commercial factors are massively enhanced too. The publicity and media exposure will be on a par with the Kennedy assassination. Olympic games are historically on the telly and in the paper loads and usually riddled with huge gaps to fill when nothing is actually happening. The chances of commentators and journalists musing about the future uses of the arena they find themselves in for days on end are very high.

The only downside is that the emotional heart of the bulk of supporters lies in an entirely different postcode within the capital. In the cold light of day, one could argue that the proposed new White Hart Lane in N17 would essentially be entirely new also. I haven ‘t bothered wading through all the planning bits and bumf, so perhaps they plan to recycle some of the bricks, transport the pitch, turf by turf, offer the bat a bespoke rafter of its own choosing.

So the Olympic Stadium wouldn’t have the spirituality that the existing venue has. Ceremony would be lost for those who opt to take – on a nice day – the ambling walk down from Seven Sisters tube station.And what would become of Bill Nick Way? Which late night room temperature can vendor would open it’s doors on it? How many nail bar/hair extension salons/dirty Internet cafes can one borough take?

The Olympic Stadium would also, despite any counter arguments face the same atmospheric obstacles that the Woolwich Wanderers came up against at the Emirates. Tottenhamization. You read it here first. Say it out loud. How does it sound? Without being underhand in any respect it sounds like a philosophy that may have come out of Germany in the 1940’s. Which leads me neatly to…

The Pikeys. I hear strains of Cyndi Lauper. This week’s directors of West Ham (Nipple Clamps & Edible Knickers Dept, Newham Ltd) Mssrs Gold & Sullivan have shown their true colours. Talk of unwashed people participating in civil disorder. Burnt out cars being re-burnt out. Pound shops looted.

Rivers of blood, eh? Nice.

BIOYPC!