Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee; for me and indeed just about anyone who has Arry Redschnapps involved in any aspect of their football team’s Buying Dept. this August.
This morning the news trickled down like wee down the leg of a distressed child that West Ham United (T/A Naughty Knickers Newham LTD) will indeed be holding a bring and buy sale for their ‘Internationals’ if and when they become the owners of the swankiest stadium in the Championship.
“It’s unrealistic to ask an England player to come down and play in the Championship,” warned Gold, who has recently been in hospital, where he was treated for cholangitis – an infection of the common bile duct – and septicaemia.’ he told the BBC.
So who will be on the trellis tables amongst the bric-a-brac then?
Robert Green. Transfer value? Blimey. I dug out a 2009 transfer rumour relating to him replacing Peter Cech – no laughing at the back, please – that offered a figure of £14million. Difficult to believe he’s worth half that at this moment in time. As goalkeepers go he’s certainly not the worst. I’d still take him above Ben Foster. Then I’d take a grapefruit with a face drawn on it over Foster.
Carlton Cole. I was, in a previous life sat behind Cole watching the Hammers play West Brom (don’t ask, I can’t explain) the game was horrible. Cole leaned over to his minder and whispered in his ear, ‘It wouldn’t be nil – nil if I was playing, bruv.‘ I always thought Baldric was an only child. Cole makes Darren Bent look like a Stephen Hawking. Oh yes and he’s rubbish at playing football. Transfer value? I predict an opening request for £15million but as with these sort of events it’s all about bartering and Steve Bruce should pick him up along with a box of assorted Star Wars figures for half that in an ‘undisclosed fee’ deal.
Matty Upson. ‘England’s Matty Upson.’ Another piece of junk. This is the end of the table with all the stuff that Cash Converters wouldn’t take. Trawling Google back in time you can find a tale that a pre Mancin Manchester City might have shown an interest in him. In January of this year the Mirror ran with a tale that Arsene Wenger and Steve Bruce (sorry mate) were going ‘head to head’ to drop £500,000 on the player.
Scotty Parker. I’ll have the name Sebastien Bassong hurled at me again, but what is it about people getting excited over players in teams that have been in the relegation zone all season long? It makes no sense. By reverse, Spurs have had another good season (no, they have) yet the rumours of ‘audacious swoops’ don’t mention Jermain Jenas. So how is Scott Parker somehow a cherry on the top of a cake – that’s made of poo? I just don’t get it.
The fear is and I’m telling you now this is on the money …these are precisely the type of players that get old Arry’s juices flowing. Maybe he realises that even Cole wouldn’t be a great move. Maybe. But the rest?
Watch this space…
Next years team:
Gomesh
Cole Cole Cole BAE
Cole Cole Cole Cole
Cole Cole /
Where’s the puking smilie?
we do seem to be linked with every cole in the book??
but wouldnt mind cheryl cole feelin my sliding tackle from behind
After Cashley’s been there? Nice as the thought is, I couldn’t get that little xxx’s face out of my mind.
that would make it all the more fun!i could send him a text of my knob……hanging out his missus back doors
Scott Parker’s season reminds me of Jamie O’Hara’s at Portsmouth last year. By far the best player and lots of bit and determination but won’t work for our silky Spurs side. I agree we need more steel but at the back. Our midfield options are just fine. West Ham can keep their flops. We need Gary Cahill and a proper all-round forward like a Drogba.
*bite and determination
We have steel and leaders. Not to mention no room in midfield anyway but Sandro has spunk. Kaboul has presence. We’ve Gallas. We don’t need loads of English yesteryears to mess up our recent transfer policy which is starting to bear fruit. We would not get half our players now. Bale, Mods, Lennon, top4want. Poss Vdv, soon Sandro. BAE? Bet Wenger would like him now.
It is worrying. We cannot seem to be linked with aplayer unless they are the wrong side of 30. Arry will still be trying to sign Parker when he is 45. The problem with the older players is that they often only last a season, Naybet was an earlier example of that, so there is no continuity. I worry that Gallas will fall away next season.
I would not touch anybody from West Ham and if we sign Joe Cole then it is the end for me. We can already field a whole team of players from the squad who are either past their use-by date or who should never have been on the shelf in the first place.
Naybet was quality. Made King the player he was (when fit). He learnt so much from Naybet.
Agree 100%.
spot on FF, spot on
To be fair, Naybet was about 35 when he signed. A fair bit older than Parker or Upson.
Personally I would take Parker, but only if we can get rid of Jenas, O’hara (though I do hate to see him go) and Bentley first.
Upson can do one.
I think you may be right on Gallas, it wont be fitness it will be niggling injuries