Ask not for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee; for me and indeed just about anyone who has Arry Redschnapps involved in any aspect of their football team’s Buying Dept. this August.
This morning the news trickled down like wee down the leg of a distressed child that West Ham United (T/A Naughty Knickers Newham LTD) will indeed be holding a bring and buy sale for their ‘Internationals’ if and when they become the owners of the swankiest stadium in the Championship.
“It’s unrealistic to ask an England player to come down and play in the Championship,” warned Gold, who has recently been in hospital, where he was treated for cholangitis – an infection of the common bile duct – and septicaemia.’ he told the BBC.
So who will be on the trellis tables amongst the bric-a-brac then?
Robert Green. Transfer value? Blimey. I dug out a 2009 transfer rumour relating to him replacing Peter Cech – no laughing at the back, please – that offered a figure of £14million. Difficult to believe he’s worth half that at this moment in time. As goalkeepers go he’s certainly not the worst. I’d still take him above Ben Foster. Then I’d take a grapefruit with a face drawn on it over Foster.
Carlton Cole. I was, in a previous life sat behind Cole watching the Hammers play West Brom (don’t ask, I can’t explain) the game was horrible. Cole leaned over to his minder and whispered in his ear, ‘It wouldn’t be nil – nil if I was playing, bruv.‘ I always thought Baldric was an only child. Cole makes Darren Bent look like a Stephen Hawking. Oh yes and he’s rubbish at playing football. Transfer value? I predict an opening request for £15million but as with these sort of events it’s all about bartering and Steve Bruce should pick him up along with a box of assorted Star Wars figures for half that in an ‘undisclosed fee’ deal.
Matty Upson. ‘England’s Matty Upson.’ Another piece of junk. This is the end of the table with all the stuff that Cash Converters wouldn’t take. Trawling Google back in time you can find a tale that a pre Mancin Manchester City might have shown an interest in him. In January of this year the Mirror ran with a tale that Arsene Wenger and Steve Bruce (sorry mate) were going ‘head to head’ to drop £500,000 on the player.
Scotty Parker. I’ll have the name Sebastien Bassong hurled at me again, but what is it about people getting excited over players in teams that have been in the relegation zone all season long? It makes no sense. By reverse, Spurs have had another good season (no, they have) yet the rumours of ‘audacious swoops’ don’t mention Jermain Jenas. So how is Scott Parker somehow a cherry on the top of a cake – that’s made of poo? I just don’t get it.
The fear is and I’m telling you now this is on the money …these are precisely the type of players that get old Arry’s juices flowing. Maybe he realises that even Cole wouldn’t be a great move. Maybe. But the rest?
Watch this space…
LL has made a good point – perhaps we should be hoping west ham stay up after all, even though the idea of praying for a spam survival so they take keane off our hands and harry doesnt sign all their dross is bizarre.
Weighed against that is the idea of them scrapping it out twice next year against Millwall – classis entertainment – how embarassing would it be to have that stoneage stuff going on at the Olympic Stadium.
that stadium wouldnt know whats hit it,its only built to last 10 years.more like 10 minutes with the football factory running amok in there……he.he….
Only build to last ten years? Well that’s good news. At least the spammers won’t be saddled with it FOREVER as they wallow way down in the divisions. :freu
*built
Wayne Bridge at left back for cover Parker in Palacios out leave the rest maybe Noble but not overly fussed Feck them let them rot in the Champion ship!
Well trouble is govenor that ole Saggy is like a beached whale when it comes to going outside his comfort zone in the transfer market..
if it aint on loan, or a free, or at the end of his playing career and looking for a last chance and therefore cheap, or an ex player and pal, then dear ole arry is unable to function… he justs wriggles in the shallows, spouting the odd pume of water in the air to pretend he is doing something when in effect he is grounded and floundering and hoping for the tide to come in so he can slope away saying… well what can I do I cannot compete with the big clubs wages and they have the big stadiums and listen did I ever mention this lot had 2 points from 8 games when I arrived… and they bleeding expect to be in the CL each year… they darnt know when they have had it so good… these Spurs fans… not like my mates at Upton Park… now they never win f88k all and they are still grateful … anyway who gives a s88t… as long as I dont get banged up on this tax
dodgeerrr avoidance thingy I’ll be strolling across to the Twin Towers for that cushdie part time job as England Manager… then Ill have enough time for the gee gees .. not like here.. well not quite like here..If we get all those ‘quality players’ Old Redders may change his mind about the Europa League.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/may/06/europa-league-spurs-champions-league-redknapp
Green make Gomez look world class!
Hello me Spurs muckers – slightly off topic but just heard that it was Ryan Giggs who has been slammin’ his balls in the BB beauty Imogen Thomas and is now the proud owner of a Super-Injunction……lucky bastard !!
Lets sign, Karen Brady as Spurs Tea Lady. I’d nob that b*tch just to put a smile of her face or Pauls face for that matter…
i think you may be jailbound
Been doing the rounds for the last few weeks, old news. Ryan cheese knob wouldn’t have it in him, not without purple puss’s permission :freu
I thought one of the super injunctions was one half of the SAS and a certain female football presenter who happens to … oh look up your Spurs history.