Levy & Co. Master Drapers

Good morning.

Your roving reporter finds himself in the deepest depths of Yorkshire with more opportunity for broad beans than broadband, but on an upbeat note the bakeries are tip top. ‘Fat Rascal?’ Have a care madam, I’m an easy going chap but… oh I see, yes. I’ll take two. Thank you.

So the window then. Hopefully there were lessons learned, but I doubt it. Our Arry was as deflated as his jowls leaving the Lodge. It wasn’t just Chelsea that met the immovable object in Levy & Co.  His big opportunity to buy big and push on was blocked at every step of the way by a man determined to keep the books balanced.

And one player he didn’t want to sell was sold from beneath him. Despite his heartfelt plea to the press. 3MP, one of the worst but not the worst ever striker to grace the Lilywhite shirt has gone. ‘Why couldn’t Daniel flog that pesky Russian?’

Arry was given a lesson in cloth cutting.

Question marks over Adebayor should be dispelled until proven valid. If his temperament or whatever the time bomb or supposed skeleton in his closet is an issue, it ought to be remembered he did choose to come here and did have other options.

Ade’s  caliber oughtn’t be called into question either. He was a menace in the Premiership a cut above Defoe & 3MP for many years. And his time at Real has only been another highpoint on his CV. Elsewhere the acquisitions were low key and we happen upon a boy wiv two feet who can do a job, then all to the good. Parker is your quintessential staunch fella. Well, for an hour then he needs to be stretchered over to Tubby Isaac’s for refuelling.

Dos Santos stays and this along with the Modric saga reminds us that Arry needs to focus upon managing what he’s given and leave the decision making to those who know better. Giovanni had a belter of a tournament at the Copa, yet him being retained appears to have been an after thought. Why isn’t this occasionally breathtaking player not being given a run out? Has he been micro chipped like Jason Bourne so every time he steps inside the M25 he has an irrational urge to lurch into the nearest juicer and drink lager like that bug bloke in Men In Black drank sugar solution?

Modric is a matter of opinion. The only temptation I had to flog the tart was when the money neared what we needed to facilitate the NDP. But Arry’s desire to sell him was horribly unscrupulous.  This is  a guy who wasn’t getting enough out of surreptitiously cashing his grandmother’s pension and decided to dope her and have the gold out of her fillings. Arry didn’t give a hoot about Luka having his head in the right place. His comments casting doubt over the voracity of the Croatians ‘injury’ actually mae him complicit in the hoax being played out. If Arry & Luka had stood in front of the press and announced in one voice, ‘ We no like chicken badge’ they would have retained more credibility.

But what is done is done. What ought o be done has to be approached in a professional manner. I don’t want to hear 3MP’s name again Arry. He scored 3 goals in 748 appearances or whatever the hell it was and as a result he’s been sold. If faith is a force that binds then Droopy be bound in the knowledge that Defoe needs praying for. His record has been equally dreadful.

It’s easy to look at what others achieved in the window, look at the unmitigated pasting we took in our first two games. But contrastingly it’s far more useful to ask the players to look to themselves and shake off any ‘pity me’ feelings and concentrate on delivering their best.

On paper, we’ve a stack of players who are bloody brilliant in the eyes of so many other sides supporters. Don’t believe me? Then you  obviously didn’t see the wedding shower put on by Stoke for Pete. You mention Azza Blud’s name to anyone that isn’t Tottingham and they quite often make funny little reverential noises.

But we hardened experts look at Azza and see a bloke balancing a rare species of caterpillar on his face who can’t routinely cross a ball. We look at Tommy  DancesWithScones and see a bloke who’s sublime shots on goal statistically end up on the roof of Valentinos.

Our lot need to seriously stop looking at what is going on farther afield and concentrate on how lush and green the grass is where they are.There is no need for you to buy your way out of trouble by flogging Modders, Arry. You are a great man manager who just needs to raise his game a little.

I’m not suggesting we all chip in and send in him in boxes of Linguafone taps, rather instead of cooing over snapshots in his wallet of Beckham, Arry sets about nurturing Dos Santos and talking to Pav. These two on the same pitch could make an explosion in a firework factory look dull.

Look at Edin Dzeko. A man with oodles of ability, who reminds me of a less malevolent version of Andriy Shevchenko. We could get Pav scoring for fun too if there were an intelligent supply of balls coming through to him. Dzeko has yet to score a goal in the Premiership by dribbling past 6 men and then backheeling it through the keepers legs. So it must be a team thing.

Spurs players and indeed fans need to take the this window for what it was. A salutary reminder to chancers that make endless promises but do not deliver that they get moved on. And those that remain need to seriously start living up to the quite rightly heavy burden of  expectation.

In short, stop fannying about and get on with it.