Date: 2nd November 2011 at 9:59am
Written by:

Good morning dependents of the revolution.

It’s good to kick off with a funny and so here’s something that by rights ought to have you admitted to hospital with the sort of laughter that induces breathing difficulties.

“It’s difficult to put the crowd’s role into words. It’s having another 50% in your energy levels and your performance levels. You get so much confidence hearing that crowd roar. If you make a mistake you’ll try something again without any fear of reprisal. You might try and get past someone and he nicks it off you. But if you’ve got the backing of the crowd you’ll try that again, go by him and score. If you’re low on confidence and the crowd get on your back, you might just pass it inside the second time because it’s the easy option. This whole team, including myself, need to be expressive.”

Jermaine Horatio Hymencia J****

More front than Southend. The Queen of the lateral ball waxing lyrical on experiences that to the very best of my knowledge has never experienced.

Elsewhere, our ashen faced, tight lipped supremo is unable to travel to Russia due to a medical procedure. The comedy potential of this has got to eclipse the J**** quote. Critics will demand my immediate execution for encouraging the casual mocking of a senior citizen with a medical condition. Those making the funniest stab will stand a chance of winning The Pocket Book Of Spurs.