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Alan Partridge’s Guide To Football

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Good afternoon.

I trust you’re all in rude health.

Lovely video in from   who clearly has skills. One might imagine if he drew a lady’s part on a toilet wall it would be an etching that indicated considerable degree of talent.

Jurassic Park. Enjoy.

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97 comments

  • SpurredoninDublin says:

    Just seen that Brendan Rodgers is about to sign a new three year contract with Swansea. He had previously been on a one year rolling contract. Do you think Swans were worried about HR’s fate.

    The item also mentions that they have asked the Caulker not play in the cup tie to avoid being cup tied. Looks to me as if they might be considering a recall before the season is finished.

    http://www.sportinglife.com/football/premiership/news/story_get.cgi?STORY_NAME=soccer/12/01/26/SOCCER_Swansea_Nightlead.html&TEAMHD=premiership&BID=312

  • bgreenway says:

    do we want or need samba ? i cant recall noticing him . is he any good ?

    • SpurredoninDublin says:

      I have a suspicion that he may be bringing baggage wherever he goes. Saw a story the other day, that in spite of the fact that he is on £50k a week, he owes hundreds of thousands to Blackburn over a loan they made him to add an extension to his home.

      How can you be earning that sort of money, and be in debt to your employers? Worried about signing this one.

      • bdgreenway says:

        ta :-)

      • LosLorenzo says:

        Was it this article?

        Don’t see much to substantiate the claim re: the loan. And even if he did borrow money from the club, doesn’t neccessarily mean he’s broke. Might just mean that the club were willing to offer him better terms than the bank would, and that he’ll have to refinance and pay slightly higher interest if he moves. Wouldn’t read too much into it. As you say, how can you be broke if you’re making 50k+ / week?

        • SpurredoninDublin says:

          It was a similar article.

          Don’t disagree with what you are saying, and you may be right. However, on his salary he would be regarded as a ‘blue chip’ customer, and would be able to borrow at maybe 1.5% over base, especially if it’s for property against which they can secure the loan. He might well be able to get a more favourable rate, but for the amount involved compared to his salary, I can’t see him saving much more than £5k per year. Putting that into perspective, it’s the equivalent of a man who earns £500 per week earning an extra pound.

          Just my feeling but I think there is something more to it than they were offering him a better rate.

        • SpurredoninDublin says:

          Just to add, if the story was untrue, don’t you think that Samba would have denied it?

        • LosLorenzo says:

          I think there’s a good reason that public figures don’t deny every untrue story printed about them. If they did, then whenever they didn’t deny a story, you would know it was true :cop:

          As for the savings, I agree that it is hard to see the savings being enourmous given a “fair” and “normal” loan. However, it is not inconceivable that a loan of this type could be used to boost his salary / avoid taxes (am I allowed to say that on here?).

          If Venkeys extended a large loan (much larger than he would need for a home) at rock bottom rates (I mean like below inter-bank rates), then Samba (his accountant, I presume) could reinvest the amount in a (de facto) guaranteed product of some kind (high interest account, “safe” govt. bonds, etc.), yielding a higher interest than he is being charged by his employer.

          To put some hypothetical meat on the bones. Blackburn lend him £10m at 0,5% nominal interest. Reinvested in high yield bank account at 3%. That works out to income of nearly 5k / week. I say”‘income”, but it would actually be capital gains, so taxed at a lower rate as well.

        • LosLorenzo says:

          And even if ol’ Chris has done a Mike Tyson and spent it all, doesn’t mean he’s neccessarily a bad seed. If I am not mistaken Brad Friedel filed for bankrupcy a year of three ago. He hasn’t worked out too bad, has he?

        • LosLorenzo says:

          John Arne Riise was in debt when he went to Roma, and kicked arse there (he seems to have managed to quit that nasty arse-kicking habit since moving back to England, not that I would insinuate it has anything to do with him being back in the black ink).

        • LosLorenzo says:

          Not that I have a strong burning desire to sign Samba. He’s good. There are better out there.

        • SpurredoninDublin says:

          He would still be liable for tax on investment income. We are not talking about £10mill here, we are talking less than £1 mill. It is only capital gains if he buys and sells an asset. Investing in a bank account is income and nor capital gains.

          I agree that being skint doesn’t make you bad, but for me, it is the combination of his finances and his threat to go on strike that worries me, but primarily the latter.

          I am of the view that if a player goes on strike, no club should be allowed to make a bid for him for a period of say 28 days after he has resumed normal service. He has a contract and any offers made for a player on strike, can only encourage them to breach their contract.

        • LosLorenzo says:

          Fair point on the interest tax level, but wouldn’t be hard for a crafty bugger to find some sort of derivative that would more or less guarantee a similar interest rate as a bank account, but be taxable as investment income.

          As for the amount of the loan, we don’t have much to base our assumptions on. In fact, we don’t even know if there is a loan at all (don’t believe all you read on TV). I think it’s harsh to assume he’s skint just because some hack thinks he might have a loan of some size, and it might be due for repayment if he moves.

          Point aboout players on strike is a better one, and one which does not cast him in a positive light, if it’s that clear cut. But we don’t really know what Venkys have been telling him, and there could be something to his complaints of “broken promises” as well.

          To be clear, not a dig at you. I just like to assume the best about people. All the way up until the point where they empty my bank accounts, lock me in the basement, light my house on fire and drive off in my car with my woman.

        • SpurredoninDublin says:

          I do see that you don’t like to think badly of people, and fair play to you, but you have this bloke effectively accusing them of lying by way of broken promises. My experiences of dealing with people is that once the mud starts to be thrown, they are quick to point out any weakness in the other side’s story, and Samba has not done so.

          Regarding the size of the loan, Venky’s are saying “hundreds of thousands”, so therefore less than £1mill.

          FWIW, I can well believe that there may have been a misunderstanding regarding “promises” if not downright lies. I have yet to see any foreign owners come into the PL that have made significant improvements to a team without spending hundreds of millions, and the Venky’s have not done anything of the sort.

          Excuse my cynicism, but I see that they are prepared to let him go for £15 mill, but he thinks he is only worth £7.5 mill. I am having an inspired guess here, but it would not surprise me if he owes £375K to Rovers.

  • CptCaveman says:

    Maybe Harry’s just having a laugh with the FEDS as he knows he has an ace up his sleeve…Johnnie Cochran with the brilliant Chewbacca Defense!! The jury haven’t got a chance :-)

    • LosLorenzo says:

      Defense: This… is a picture of a Wookie, in a courtroom. That’s ridiculous!
      ‘Arry (interjecting): That’s no Wookie. That’s our Sandra!

  • melcyid says:

    BIOYHC

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