Date: 18th May 2012 at 7:35am
Written by:

Good morning.

Roberto Martinez, then. I have watched with what I can only describe as ‘some considerable confusion’ the adulation of the Wigan manager reach fever pitch. 

How the hell did this happen? 

Let’s start somewhere near the beginning and let’s stick to the facts of the matter, eh? As a manager he’s been accused of achieving much and being a rising star. SO what has he actually done? Well, to say he’s won nothing might be harsh, but it’s undeniably true. But he’s only been in management since 2007.

And so to the first myth. How many times have you read or been told in worldly wise manner that he ‘built’ Swansea? This week I’m hearing it with the frequency of time checks from Alan Partridge. 

Tony Bennett said that he never left so much as an umbrella in San Fransico. All Roberto Martinez left behind at Swansea was a forwarding address. Here’s a list of the current Swanse City squad:  

Gerhard Tremmel, Michel Vorm, Neil Taylor, Steven Caulker, Ferrie Bodde, Danny Graham, Scott Sinclair, Nathan Dyer, Wayne Routledge, Josh McEachran, Leroy Lita, Luke Moore, Darnel Situ, Joe Allen, Kemy Agustien, Mark Gower, Curtis Obeng, Ashley Richards, Scott Donnelly, Lee Lucas, Ben Davies, Joe Walsh, Daniel Alfei , Casey Thomas, Jordan Smith, Gwion Edwards, Kurtis March, Rory Donnelly, Gylfi Sigurdsson, Ashley Williams, Angel Rangel, Alan Tate, Leon Britton, Andrea Orlandi, Garry Monk and Federico Bessone*. 

The names in bold are those who played there at the same time Martinez was the manager of Swansea City. *Bessone was a free transfer brought in by Roberto in 2008 who then left but was then brought back by Brendan Rodgers.

Next up, his track record as  the Wigan manager. 

His first season in the Premiership was a memorable one for Spurs fans, of course. We beat them 9-1 . That game wasn’t exactly a blip for them. Chelsea also did them 8-0.  They escaped relegation on the last day of the season though, by beating Arsenal 2-3. Hurrah.

His second season was almost identical in every respect. Walloped by all and sundry. Yanited beat then 4-0 …but then so did Blackpool. They escaped relegation again on the last day of the season by beating Stoke.

So by contrast, this season was indeed a runaway success. Why because, Martinez woke up sooner and the relegation he had courted for months on end was swerved a few weeks ahead of schedule. 

His apologists will presumably now be found with underpants over their head and a pencil shoved up each nostril mumbling phrases like ‘limited resources’, ‘toughest league in the world.’

I have no kind words for you.