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Player Ratings: The Don’t You Wish Your Left Back Was A&E Edition

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Evenin’ all.

The game wot many of us watched turned upon the substitutions at half time. Here then are my thoughts wot I had whilst enduring this televisual feast.

Mind how you go.

Gomes  6 Looks decidedly less gormless sans gum shield. It’s all about perception.

Charlie 4  Those Lighter Life diet plan thingymajiggs actually work then. Triffic.

Dawson 5 I blame Bassong for his jitters.

Bassong 3 A jitter generator.

A&E 9 Top Charlie Banana Dalai Lama.

J**** 0 Looks the part, talks the part. Not so good with a football.

Peanut 0 Scientists have made a footballer out of balsa wood.

Krankie 6 Never seen a player look so sad. 

Modders 6 Proof that real people cheer players. I’d ban season tickets.

Azza Blud 5 Lively in places, shameful dive for the peno.

Dances With Scones 4 Some textbook cheap fouls. Little else.

Bale 7 Quite simply broke them in two.

Pav 5 He needed to be triple jointed to get to his dismal ‘passes.’

3MP 5.5 Like Llorente.  But with a goal and teeth transplanted from a horse.

Defoe 5 Hot to trot. No argument here.

And yes I left some out. It would be nuts pass comment on cameos that didn’t rock the Kasbah.

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83 comments

  • Onedavemackay says:

    The thing about Benoit is he plays with passion and continues to improve.

    The thing about Nico is he creates chances

    The thing about Jenas is he turns the team in to a turgid bunch of drunk pub players

    The thing about Crouch is he doesn’t take chances like that often enough

  • Arthur Rowe says:

    Agree with most of the ratings except Kranjcar. I though he had a really good game and deserved an 8 or 9.

  • Tom says:

    Lennon 5 are you serious!!!
    The dive wasn’t that bad as what every one makes it out to be!! I thought he was great today!!
    That’s a poor rating in my opinion and thought he was better than Bale!!

    • Harry Hotspur says:

      Have a look at the replay mate. That was Ronaldo styleeee. Honestly. Very bad form.

      • Onedavemackay says:

        Not sure about that old mate.

        Just because the D class commentary team said it was a nailed on dive doesn’t mean they’re right. I don’t think the replays proved anything and his impact apart from that was top drawer.

  • Tom says:

    He wasn’t miles away from the player was he….
    Still he doesn’t deserve a 5!

  • dava says:

    F*ck me Harry, are you on your period? the b*tch from strictly would’ve scored it higher.

    It was a friendly and we won, second half we actually turned up!!

    god help the lads if they win 5-0 next week, it’ll probably be 4’s all round from you.

    I’m a fan but perhaps you should switch to Murphy’s for a couple of weeks (non-bitter and all that).

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