Analysis & Ratings To Self Harm By

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I’ve deliberately separated the analysis of the players from the manager because I maintain we’ve a great squad and Tottenham Hotspur Football Club is bigger than one chimpanzee with a saucepan stuck on his head. 

The lads are in their twenties and I don’t know about you but I was definitely an idiot when I was that age. God knows where my brain would have been if I was a millionaire as well as an idiot. Footballers are rarely better than their managers and coaches. When this does happen it is quite common for the players in this position to move onwards and upwards. In short, they aren’t a bad bunch, they just need managing.

So here’s run through of what I was watching…

 6.009 He pulled off a cracking save. I’m terrified by his generally lack of mobility though. Like every goalie in the world he really does need a half decent crew in front of him.

 7.008 I thought he had a good game. I’m infuriated that he’s crossing more balls in from the left than Bale because he’s not as dangerous as Bale. But Benny ain’t the manager…

 3.008 He’s had it. And while his form/fitness plummets it is insane to pick him without him having done any training. Those days are long gone. He shouldn’t be allowed to play right now.

 5.000 Not entirely woeful and now injured. Wonderful.

 3.767 Pants defender, pants attacking wing thingy. 

 5.090 I started to warm to him and now I’m just seeing a J**** but thankfully minus that imbecilic tongue hanging out to indicate having recently run somewhere, perhaps returning a library book.

 1.100 He’s absolute rubbish. 

 7.777 Looked hungry out there yesterday but didn’t work any magic.

 7.444 Loves being the middle. Someone should write that down on a post it note and then staple gun said note to Arry’s forehead.

 6.222 He’s a card. Still driven by the vision. Should be driving a Yaris.

 5.000 Gave it a go, I suppose.

 7.555 Lovely goal.

 7.444 Too often like a man with his laces tied together, sadly.

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  • elfranklins says:


  • SuperSpurs says:

    Not a chance boys, more like 5th or 6th based on yesterdays performance !!

  • Chirpy says:

    bunch of arse

  • Sam Marks says:

    I agree,

    I didnt get a chance to watch the game or the highlights but from reading the footnotes and twitter comments we reverted to our if it don’t work withen ten minutes then to hell with positions and plan A lets just all round around where ever routine.

    My thoughts are as follows based around observations of our beloved Lilywhites and other teams around Europe.

    1. Arry – Whilst Im a big fan of the chap, and what he’s done is nothing to be sniffed at I feel that sometimes his game plan is all over the show. This Bale Right malarky is insane, doesnt work, hasnt worked and wont work – lets not persist with it or we’ll happily see Guardiola play him on the left at the Camp Nou next season.

    2. Defoe – Again Im a fan, but he’s not consistent enough to warrant a constant starting place. When he plays it’s literally 1 goal every few games…we need an out n out forward / goal getter

    3. Ledley – Ledley, Ledley – I have to say I think he might be knacked for once n all….Most defenders of age i.e. Nesta will play off the forward to enable them to be turned but get a tackle in without a straight out race – Our Ledders is too tight and now too slow to keep up. It pains me to say it as for a while he was the most natural defender Id seen since Baresi / Maldini… Kaboul is natural at the back …he just needs a player with a footballing brai next to him to keep him in check.

    4. That spark – It infuriates me that we seem to have lost that freeplaying spark from yestermonths prior….Arry needs to install this back in the team ASAP.

    5. Arry again – It worrys me that players are all too easily cast aside by Arry if they dont fit the arm round the shoulder mould..i.e. Dos Santos, Bent, Tarabt and a few more…Tarabt might be a freaking nutjob on the loose but he’s got that spark within him to change a game…Im not too comfortable with potentially good players being cast aside like they are.

    6. Forwards – Simple as, we need a monster of a forward to go out and start banging them in…..donest matter how much he costs it has to happen or we’ll never ever compete with the other lot down the road yet alone the top 3 / 4.

    That said, a couple of good results and were back on track.


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