Top Tip for England’s next game: If you’re watching on Sky+ press pause and wait a second before pressing play. Being a second or two behind the live play will give you that authentic Emile Heskey viewpoint. I’ve come up with a fantastic money making idea; I’m buying blank DVDs in bulk and selling them off as Uruguay v France highlights. My wife called me an annoying c*nt the other day. I almost choked on my Vuvuzela. I can’t believe we only managed a draw against a shit team we should easily have beaten. I’m ashamed to call myself Algerian.…
Author: Harry Hotspur
The sooner the World Cup is over the better. Understand this, I love football, but so far I’ve spent the last week or whatever it’s been watching brightly coloured skint people dancing up and down blowing into trumpets on a loop. I’m feeling drained and fatigued and we’re not out the Group stages. I feel like I guess porn movie producers must. I’m so desensitized to what I’m what I’m watching that no matter what plays out before me, nothing raises an eyebrow or very much else for that matter. Portugal’s goals were largely brilliant, but it was a game…
Rooney On Rob Green Is it just me? This World Cup is making my eyes itch. I seemed to have sat through an awful lot of mediocre footy and the net result is there is no transfer activity and little to feast upon. News is circulating that Tottenham are due to unveil the new strip as soon as next month and the sponsors are curiously said to be either Dulux, Crown or Bloomberg. I’m inert with joy.
I always liked the idea but never warmed to the contenders. Remember Tottenham’s English spine? I mean I would have been equally happy with an Irish spine, or an Italian one. I guess you could just put me down as a backbone fan full stop. Maybe it was the whole ‘having a spine’ including Jenas business that was throwing me. But now there’s a credibility. Or a blame time-bomb waiting to go off, one of the two. Dawson, despite the ‘back door’ manner he got there, is a credible entity. Crouch, the bane of push and run fans has, never…
Levy flew to Croatia to do the deal with Modders. Good man, Mr L. About time we got on a plane to do something decent and not tap up someone else’s manager etc etc. Word is that Citizen Levy’s travels are far from over and his next destination was/is/could be Italy. I wouldn’t read to much into it. If I had his lolly, I’d nip over there to pick up shoes if I felt like it. Surprise, surprise there was no surprise that we were never really in for Joe Cole and he’s going to Yanited. Other targets appear thin…
See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum… and one night, one night they decide they don’t like living in an asylum any more. They decide they’re going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light… stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn’t dare make the leap. Y’see… Y’see, he’s afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea… He…
Based on that Ken and Barbie have more chance of having kids than England have of winning the World Cup. Japan weren’t very bright but at least they had a go. Huddlestone was invisible, Lennon demonstrated his superiority to Walnutt in several ways. Firstly and most obviously by not getting subbed so early. Secondly by not being rubbish whenever he got the ball and beating a few people. Walnutt was a not very good unknown at the last World Cup. A stowaway on the plane secreted on it by Uncle Arsene. This time round it will be nothing shy of…
Hold tight on the upper deck. Curtis Davies for £7 million plus access to an All You Can Eat Chinese Buffet based upon appearances. West Am have appeared like the uninvited guest at the wedding reception that they truly are. They will probably offer £20 million and a time share on a lock up in Lewisham. Robbie Keane has disappeared down his own vole hole. Last seen waving a photocopy of his contract like a Pilt Down Man version of Macmillan crying, ‘Oive a contract’. Idiot. Micah Richards. What hasn’t been said about Emile Heskey already that we couldn’t attribute…
The good Lord giveth and during the transfer window he certainly does a half tidy job of trying to take away. The expected threat to Modders was always from United, but this morning the Mail have decided to opt instead for Chelsea. They must have a flip chart in the attic they write their stories in. With ropes on tyres arranged in a semi circle around it. Modric out – Revive Joe Cole story – swap piece – Utd contest transfer – Modric announces he’s staying – Joe Cole does same. Six stories out of thin air, more bananas for…